The inner circle

This morning, I opened my Facebook to find that I have moved into the "inner circle".  I have made some new friends and become part of a community that I once looked at as the "big kids".  It's the team created by Xavy's trainer, Brandon.  It's a Facebook Group of some of the biggest and baddest of them all.  When Xavy became part of the group, I looked at him in awe.  It might as well have been the cool table in the high school lunch room.

After a few hardcore workouts and some photos in the mirror after, I thought... "You know what, I train as hard as they do, what do I have to lose?".  I have out lifted and/or blown the minds of  some of the guys in the gym lately, but was it enough?  It took a really long time to earn my keep in the free weight area of my own gym with just averaged dudes. What the heck was I getting myself into? Was I setting myself up for disappointment?  With a click of a button, the request was sent.  Within minutes, guess what?  My request was approved.

*Pulling up a chair on the end of the cool table.*

It took me a few days to post and when I did, I got comments and "likes" as if I belonged there all along. I don't give myself enough credit some times.  It's not the number on the scale that matters.  It is the hours of effort, the beads of sweat and comradere that comes when a group of people that support each others goals.

Thank you Brandon, Alicia and Xavy for making me a part of something. 

Today, I flexed in the mirror and hopped on the scale while my dozen of eggs were boiling.  I packed my meals and plotted out my day in order to make sure that I could make my workout a priority.  Sitting here at my desk thinking about it, I don't even recognize myself.  I am making it and holding my own.  Training hard and staying on track every day is taking me places that I never thought I would go.  A lifestyle that I thought was unrealistic and out of reach is now my only way of life.  Wow... just wow! 

I'm bringing sexy back

I think it's safe to say that my workouts are pretty well rounded.  Even I think that my back is getting sexy. Well, if you like that sorta thing.

It's funny because one of the biggest excuses that I hear women say if they have more then 20+ pounds to lose is almost always the same. They say that they will be "flabby" with a ton of loose skin.  Hate to burst their bubble but it's just an excuse and I am calling them on it right now.

Tuesday

Tuesday...
The day after Monday
My Sister-in-law's birthday
Day 1 on my newest meal plan
The first day of my new workout plan
Three days after the funeral of my biggest fan


Every day brings a new start.  Every 24 hours, I get a chance to out-do yesterday.   I have to say, that's a pretty good deal. 

I weighed in this morning at 166.  It was not too long ago that I looked down and the number ready 258.  That just seems so crazy.  When I set my goal at 160, I really was not sure that I could do it.    My original plan was to hit it by Xavy's competition.  Not for any good reason other then to not have to photoshop my rolls out of all photos afterwards. lol.  Here I am, 6 pounds away with 2 months to spare. That does not by any means put me in the clear.  It took me 3 months to get out of the 180's, remember?  How could you forget? I bitched about it every day.

I got my new meal plan and workout plan today and it seems that Xavy has tightened the reins a little bit. The biggest changes in my workout will come with me working out alone.  It has been months since I have trained on my own and I gave it a test run this weekend.  I got some phone numbers from a couple hot guys. Didn't see that coming.  I'm thinking that it had more to do with not having some beef-cake attached to my hip then it had to do with my weight.  Apparently that makes girls less approachable. lol.  Go figure.  I am going to miss having a built in spotter during my workout.  As clumsy as I am, it makes me a little nervous. I suppose like all other things, I will make it work. The meal plan, well... I am a little bitter about that.  He seems to have gotten some bug up his ass to take away everything that makes this whole process worth doing.  First he makes me workout on my own getting rid of the eye-candy, then his little ass takes away my peanut butter.  I am really really upset about that one.   He did assure me that it will come back in the future but I am not sure if he really is planning it or he anticipates me kicking his ass.

This morning, the only thing that made these changes bearable was what I saw in the mirror.  I found some ab's,  I was starting to see them peek out a few weeks ago but today they are there.  From the looks of it, I have at least 4 that have unpacked and are here to stay.  It is really neat to feel them and be able to see (and touch) the physique that is coming through.  It is starting to become a reality and its no longer as far away as I once thought.

This afternoon, I updated my profile on a trusty dating website.  The rock-climber guy that I met on Friday was indeed a hottie and we had two great dates but ehhh... I'm not seeing it going any where.  The cool thing about updating my profile was that where it gave me the option to specify myself physically, I changed it from "Curvy" to "Fit".  There was nothing in between but I would concider myself much more on the fit end of the spectrum these days.  Hey, what do I have to lose?  One guy that described himself as "Jacked" and had smaller triceps then I did. lol

AB-solutely awesome!!!

Look at what I woke up to this morning!

Update...

Things here are going pretty okay.  I have been running non stop since my last post and I don't see me slowing down just yet.
This afternoon was the viewing for my Uncle Pat. Meal wise I did pretty darn well.  It's not my fault if the server forgets the "light mayo" part of my order. I just didn't have the strength to nix it all together. I did however leave the side of chips on my dish. Go Me!!!!  My cousin Lori, (yep, we are both Lori's. How lucky is our family?) taught me a nifty new trick.  When the server came out with the loaf of bread for the table, she asked her to take it back.  Let me say that again... she asked her to take the free loaf of fresh warm bread away.  Now that is one strong woman. 
This morning, my waking thought was my next workout. I had 3 hours before I had to be back for the viewing. I went online, googled local gyms, downloaded a free 7day guest pass and was on my way. You better believe that I had a pair of compression pants packed incase of an emergency.  I made that mistake training with Kelly the other day and I nearly hurt someone.  91lbs smaller and that junk in my trunk is still lethal.  I got a great workout in. I was lifting heavy, sweating hard and apparently causing some hottie to break neck. Oh la la.  (I hope to post more about that some time soon since we exchanged numbers.)  If nothing else, I made a new friend. That makes up for the other guy in the gym that walked away with his tail between his legs because I was lifting his weight.
During the course of the afternoon, one of the popular topics was this little blog.  I found out who at least 15 of my readers were.  None of which was my mom. One day I swear that I am going to strap her down and make her read it. I was so amazed at how many of you came to support me today. Thank you so much.  If not in person, I was flooded with texts and messages all day that meant just as much. 
Most of you have seen me in person or followed along enough to watch my progression but it was really neat to find just how many people did not recognize me.  People that I have know all of my life!  Some of them family.  Let me tell you, it is a good thing that the entrances were all French Doors.   I don't know if my head could have squeezed through otherwise.  Haha.  If my Uncle Pat was still alive, he would be showing off my traps to everyone in the room.  In a way, working out this morning was a tiny way to honor him.  The last few months, his favorite talks with me were the ones about my training. He was sorta living vicariously through Xavy and I. So, yes... of course I went sleeveless.  Inappropriate? Not for Uncle Pat.
Again, thank you all. The next time you are in the gym, look in the mirror and know that my Uncle Pat  is cheering you on too. Not only for your hard work, but for the support that you give me every single day.  He read my blog, he knew how big of a part of my process you all have become.
With that... I am off to bed.

You grieve your way, I'll grieve mine.

If everything else about me has changed in this journey, then surely my grieving process has as well. Right?

As we do, Kelly and I (& Dorothea), join forces in a time of need and become BFF's on steroids. When I got the call about my Uncle Pat, one of the very first things that I did was to text Kelly.  "Kelly call me".  Three simple words.  That was all she needed to read to put her Super Friend costume on.  The backlight of my phone had not even blacked out before my phone was ringing.  I mean, when someone wants you to call instead of text, you know its gotta be big, right?  Kelly and Dorothea were in route to my Aunt's house before I had even packed my stuff up at work.  Immediately following his passing when the close family gathered, there was no question if it was appropriate for them to join us.  They are my people.  They are my family's people.

After a few moments of sullen pleasantries (sp), we had come to the conclusion that it was time we found something to eat.  Now, we know I am a stress/emotional eater.  Diet disaster was brewing.  All that I wanted was pizza but oh no no no, not on Kelly's watch.  At 9:30 p.m., they escorted me past Venice Pizza to the Double T Diner.  It didn't taste like pizza but an eggwhite and veggie omelet with a side of turkey bacon was just what the Personal Trainer ordered.  It is amazing how when you start off on the right foot, the rest just follows.  It all just starts with one step.  For breakfast, I made myself a huge plate of yummy-ness and still stayed right on plan.  (Note to self:  Lori, you owe your mother a dozen of eggs.).  When I put my plate in the sink, there was a weird feeling of relief.  I had done it!  I got through a time of crisis without chocolate or cheese.  That is what you call A-mazing.   Taking it day by day, meal by meal... it pays off and the results pop up in the most unexpected ways some times.   I learned today that I no longer fit in ANY of my mom's dresses.  They had always been an option for me in a pinch.  It made me do a little dance inside to hear Amy say... "Ummm she is way too skinny-minnie now for any of these.".  My dance quickly came to a halt when I realized that I needed to go $hopping.  

So food wise, I was good to go.  I had it under control.  14 hours later and I am just polishing off my last eggwhite.  I rock!  What about the heavy heart and sadness?  What was I to do with that?  This week has been an emotional roller coaster and I all wanted to do was go to my old standby.  Fight Club and Sex in the City movie marathon.  I needed a good angry cry.  As I was driving down 695 towards my couch, I got a text from Kelly.  She thought that hitting the gym would do me good.  The only second thought I had about that was whether I should use Mapquest or Google Maps to find her gym.  I am sure it was user error but I got lost anyhow.  She was absolutely right.  A good sweat and grunt was exactly what I needed.  (I know what you are thinking.  Dirty!  I thought it too but remember, I am single now.).  She even taught me some new stuff with the barbell.  I walked out of the gym feeling great!  So great in fact, that I managed to get Xavy to rearrange his evening in order to train with me a tiny bit.  Training again felt like another 150lbs of weight off of my shoulders.  Technically it was less then that but who is counting?  I am sure he could have done without the workout buddy on the verge of tears every set but he will survive. 

So my grieving process has changed in deed.  Far less calories in the bank at the end of the day thats for sure.  I just needed a little nudge in the right direction but knowing that now, I can keep on trucking.

Don't go thinking that Kelly was the only one in this story that saved the day.  The unsung heros are all of you who commented/called/text/messaged me with love and support.  To Jen and Holly, thank you for being at my fingertips with the constant check-ins and offers.  None of that goes unnoticed.  I am so thankful to have created this sorta circle of friends. 

Some sorta JerkSquat thingy that Kelly had me doing! 

Strength

This blog has lately been littered with tidbits about physical strength. Don't worry, I have not forgotten about emotional strength. Oh bel-ieve me, I have not. 

My posts have been a bit on the dry side lately as I deal with some personal issues over here in Lori Land.  I've been contemplating blogging for the last few days but getting it out on paper (screen) makes things "real".  Much like my goals that I share, once I hit "POST", it's out there and there is no turning back.  That can be both good and bad. Okay, so with this lengthy intro  you are probably thinking... "Geesh, did someone die?"  Well....

This week, I am grieving the loss of my Uncle Pat, the loss of my post pull-up body (yep, I did one!), the breakup with a boyfriend, and the disappearance of my favorite new red and silver halter top.  Not necessarily in that order.  Let's just say that this week makes Xavy's Warrior Week look like a walk in the park. 

My Uncle Patrick passed away suddenly yesterday evening.  Many of you have followed his recovery from a spinal cord injury on Facebook.  Growing up with some less-then fathers, my uncle was THE only man in my life that never let me down.  Growing up, if Mom said "no", he gave me two.  If school mandated black leather shoes, he got me the most bad-ass Dr. Martin boots.  If I said I wanted to set a goal, he asked me about my progress EVERY time I saw him.  Uncle Pat was the first family member to know that I was going to train for a show or take the Personal Training exam.  He was so proud of me and made sure that I always knew it.  Because of my Uncle, I will always hold my head high knowing that I can be whatever I want and rest assured that I know all the secrets to surviving any drinking game.  He will be missed. So, so much.  Uhh... Where are the tissues?

The pull-up, ahhhh the Pull-Up.  I set my sites on doing a pull up a long long time ago.  Up until a few months ago, I didn't think that it was ever going to happen.  Surely not for a lack of trying.  I set a goal to do it by August 15th.  Today in the gym, I did it.  It was F-Ugly but Kelly said..."I will count that one."  With that being said.... I can do a pull-up.  Up next, 100 pull-up challenge.  Hey, it says you only need to do I've to start.  ;)

The moment you have all been patiently reading or skimming through for, the breakup.  Well, sorry about your luck. I won't be sharing the det's.  I don't kiss and tell.  Unless of course it's Bradley Cooper.  Then you better believe I'll be dishing alllllllll the dirty details. All that really needs to be said on that guy is that we are still great friends, and I am still a sexy beast. End of story.

The shirt.  When I had my first shopping spree at 70 lbs down, I went shopping for some new clothes that I didn't look like a hobo in.  After the comment from my Uncle Pat about my "Fu€& me traps".  I knew that the halter was the way to go.  Even Xavy had some awesomely inappropriate things to say about the new style.  I got a few of them and one in particular is my "goin' out" shirt.  Well... if you are following along, you will understand that I have some funeral occasions to attend and well, I am single!  Where the hell is that damn shirt?  Since I got it at 70lbs down, perhaps I should treat myself to a new one since last week I hit 90lbs down? Agree? Of course you do.  That's why I love you.

So... that's what's going on.  I actually feel better having finally sat down to blog.  What an awesome feeling you guys give me.  Simply awesome.

Good night!