Goal... not so much

A few days have passed and I think you safely assumed that me not boasting about meeting my goal only met one thing... I didn't.

The big day was supposed to have been Saturday.  This goal was set back in April so it had been a long time coming.  I have made great progress since April when I originally set my goal.  (If it sounds coached, its because it is.  I am forcing myself to believe this as I type it.)  I have lost a bit over 20lbs and probably have put on about 10-15lbs of muscle.  I went from a size 18 to as size 10.  I went from struggling to get into a routine to not knowing what to do myself when I couldn't get to the gym.  Since then, a lot has happened.  It's called life.  I guess that I had better get used to it.  I can't make too many excuses.

Since I can't make too many excuses, that implies that I can make a few.  Right?  Okay, here it goes.  Tuesday, I was on track at 162ish.  I risked going to the Melting Pot for dinner.  Best idea, not so much.  I had a fantastic time and I enjoyed every bit of it.  I didn't pull any punches at dinner.  I allowed myself to enjoy it without feeling guilty.  That long evening also meant that I skipped a workout at the gym.  Double whammy.  Wednesday, I was only up a pound so I think I got a little bit cocky thinking that I had this one in the bag.  Thursday, I weighed in at 162.  At night, before I went to bed I gave it another shot.  I weighed in at 163.  Considering that we usually gain a few during the course of the day, I thought that it was smooth sailing ahead.  I skipped weighing in on Friday morning because I was pretty confident that I was on track.  I had been eating well, (recently).  I had put in a few extra workouts and nearly killed myself doing the CrossFit W.O.D..  Friday night, just double checking... I weighed myself in at 166.  WHAT THE HELL!?!?!  Where did all of that come from?  I was not particularly feeling "skinny" but hey... who knows.  Most of all of that is mental anyway.  I was annoyed, I was upset and frustrated.  So what did I do? I went out drinking.  I met up with Brent and Chris to have a few drinks.  In an attempt to not fall too far off the wagon, I watched what I drank and justified eating WaWa meatballs in a cup at 2 a.m..  I was due for a meal, I wanted to go high protein and low-carb.  Good effort considering how impaired my judgment was at that point in the evening.  I stayed at a friends house, (judgement was not impaired enough to drink and drive.)  In the morning, before I headed back home, I had a huge cup of coffee.  I told myself that since I generally weigh in naked and empty, this was an excuse that I should skip weigh in.  Ha!  I thought that I was being rudly reminded of the activities of the night before when I felt my tummy grumble but it turns out it was not.  Another month,  my "cycle" decides to do what ever the hell it wants.  My doctor thinks it is due to the weight loss and my workout routine but either way, it still throws a wrench in my day.  I think that it makes a bit more sense why I was not feeling particularly skinny the day before, why I had the munchies all week and why I was so emotional about not coming close enough to this goal.  Damn you P.M.S.!  Had I knew all of that was ahead of me,  I am sure my choices all the way around would have been different.  Unfortunately, that damage was done.  I didn't officially weigh in at all.

My inner self and I sat down and had a heart to heart.  It was probably more of a lecture but either way, it resulted in a plan B.  A segway.  Thanks to Hurricane Sandy, I am starting to contemplate a plan C.  Yesterday, I didn't make the best food choices.  I guess it was a rationalization along the lines of, "I am already on a roll screwing up, I might as well get it out of my system.".  Today, stuck indoors, I have kind of pulled my inner goddess in by her hair and told her to get her shit together.  So far, I had an okay breakfast, a greek yogurt for meal 2 and a turkey sandwich for meal 3.  The one thing I can easily control is having my meals on time. That is a step in the right direction.  I suggested frozen Chinese food for dinner and Brent politely said, "Yea, that's fine for me.  I am sure we can find something healthier for you.".. Good job.  He is threatening me as we speak to cut me off.  Lock me in my condo and only see me in the gym to workout.  Punk.  But... it's is appreciated more then he can imagine.

My Money Maker

My traps after CrossFit.  Holy Hannah!

2.5lbs

This morning, I weighed in at 162.5lbs.  Saturday is my weigh-in for goal, and I think that I can pull it off.  After everything that has stood in my way, I am only 2.5lbs away.  Sitting at my desk, I realized that I had forgotten to acknowledge my current weight of 162.5lbs..  I had such tunnel vision on 160lbs. that I forgot to stop and acknowledge that each pound counts.  Why is it that I am so hard on myself? 

Crunch time!!!! 

Homework

Doing my homework for the week, I just ended a call with a medical weight loss center.  Per my therapist, I was to call and get more information and possibly set up a consultation to consider my options for the remaining skin.  I am not quite sold on the surgical options, but I was hoping that someone some where would have some tips.  A game plan.  I am not sure if she wants me to go in and hear someone say that I am not as bad as I think, or if she thinks that getting rid of the excess fat will help me emotionally.    Either way, I did it.  I made the call and I have learned a few things.

-My BMI is currently too low for them to safely "treat" me with their weight loss program.  (hmm, I am not sure what I think about that.)

-Speaking to the doctor, I could get some injections of sorts to aid and speed up my weight loss.  (I am not sure if the speed thing is what is bothering me.  The progress is slow but I have come to terms with that.)

-I could do a body composition scan to see how much weight and muscle I have.  Basically, how much junk I have left in my trunk.  (That just sounds depressing.)

-My last question was asking who they refered their clients too when they had signifigant success with their program.  The answer was both disturbing and enlightening.   Her answer was that she did not really know.  She could look into it for me but she has not had any clients with signifigant success or as much weight loss as mine.

Moral of the story, according to me....

Weight loss centers, pills, injections...  none of that is effective as good old fashion exercise and clean eating.  There is no magic solution after all.  Even the ones that I turned to for help didn't really have a foot to stand on selling their solution.  I guess that it is just a waiting game.  Keep doing what I am doing because this is what works.

Interesting.

The older the wiser.

Something really cool happened this weekend.  I was at a football party at Brent's house.  Between games, I was snacking in the kitchen with the women.  Having met Brent's great-grandmom a few times, I have learned that she says it like it is.  She doesn't seem to pull any punches.  Lucky for her she is so adorable, she can totally get away with it.  While I was snacking, his mom pulled an apple dessert out and offered it around.  Brent had some but I knew that I didn't have the self control to just have a tiny bit.  Brent and I joked about it as he piled a heaping spoon of it onto his plate.  His great-grandmom had overheard the conversation and overheard another being teased about eating the whole tray of celery.  She looked at me, looked up and down and asked why I was watching what I was eating.  She said that I didn't have a weight problem.  I looked just fine the way I was. 

Long story short, a compliment came from someone that was not going to sugar coat anything.  Not  having known my journey and meeting me at my current size, she didn't think I had a weight problem.  That's all the proof that I need that I have achieved a "normal" size.  Not only normal but acceptable.  For the first time in a crowd, I was able to relax in the company of strangers and know that I am not being looked at as "the fat girl" after all. Very cool feeling. 

Dude...

After all that I have learned and been exposed to in the gym, I've officially become a physique snob.  What have you all done to me?  At the Fight, some dude was walking past me with a huge chest.  An awkwardness about him caught my attention.  As he past me and I got a 360° view.  Without hesitation, it just came out of my mouth.... "Dude, you gotta work chest AND BACK.".  Lol.  Thank goodness it was loud in there.  I've gotta work on my filter.

USMC Challenge

So one of my goals were to do the U.S.M.C. Challenge at the Shogun fight.  Every year, I walk past the booth and oogle the guys banging out push-ups.This year, I wanted to do it.  Not try it, do it.  To my surprise, when I got there, they were doing pull-ups instead.  Crap!  My inner self was doing cartwheels since I had a bit too much to drink the night before.  Pushing up may not have been the only "...-ups" going on.  So, I stopped and watched.  Jen gave me this look like.... "Don't pretend you are not thinking of trying it any way.".  She was right.  I was assessing the situation.  "Improvise, adapt and overcome.", that's what my brother would have said to me.  Why the hell not?  A challenge is a challenge.  I came to make a goal, I was leaving having it under my belt. One of the Marines came over teasing us about doing it, no expecting us to be seriously considering it.  For women, they were doing Flexed Arm Hangs.  Chin above the bar, no joke!  5-seconds got you a prize.  I didn't want a damn sticker.  The challenge was 5 seconds to 60 seconds.  I hopped up on the rack and gave it my best.  At first, the same Marine held onto me, (I didn't mind), like he didn't expect me to do 3 seconds.  Well.... 10, 20, 30, 40.  Not bad at all for a first time out.  We had earned some respect and made some new friends.  Down the hall, other Marines had a punching bag. They they were flirting with Jen to get us to try.  My response was that I had just done the other challenge.  Brushing it off, but only asking for conversation sake, he asked how I did.  When I said 40 seconds, he did a double take and immediately looked at my shoulders and acknowledged them. 

Another goal met!  It feels fantastic.