So, this journey is one of about a years worth of consistent notable progress. There have been many highs and lows. The one thing that I have had to face in every stage is how others viewed me. Not how they legitimately viewed me, how their insecurities made them see me. (See, all that therapy is finally paying off.). I don't need to sit here and cover all of that. If you have read any of the blog posts from the past or if you have embarked on this journey yourself, you know what I mean.
Earlier this week, a friend of mine, Alicia, said something that struck me. Here this woman is, my hero, beautiful, strong and secure. Her physique, is my "end game". Alicia mentioned to me that in her next competition, she looks to prove all of those people wrong who say that she is too big. Even Alicia, as far as she has gone, still has to endure other peoples negative judgement. I was hoping that once I got where she is now, I would be done. Finished having to prove anything to myself and having to prove anything to anyone else. I have watched her transformation and it has inspired me to not just lose weight but to put my efforts to the ultimate test. What got me was her determination and strength to turn that into fuel to push harder. This woman does not give up! That in itself is a reason for me to look up to her. Does it ever seem like our friends never criticized us for being fat? I didn't have anyone stop me when I was damaging my body beyond repair. Why is it that when we are doing the most good for our body, we get the harshest back lash?
All of this has been sitting in the back of my mind all week. So maybe I was a little extra sensitive last night. Maybe this guy was just being an ass. Either way, Momma was rubbed wrong and is not a happy camper.
Last night, my guy friend waited for me to do the CrossFit workout of the day. I have been really getting into the CrossFit lately. The structure, the challenge, the comradere. The whole package. Some of the workouts have made me laugh, others have made me bleed and I bet everything in between. I love it. I miss the "bodybuilding" type workouts that I used to do, but some of the WOD's still let me unleash the beast. Last nights workout was 5x3 deadlifts. With just 3 reps per set, it is assumed that you are going pretty darn heavy. We had a very similar workout last week when I worked out with Donny and my brother also. Last week, Donny pushed me beyond anything I ever imagined. My last set was 225 pounds. He knew what I was capable of and was not accepting anything less. When I read the workout last night, I plotted my plan of attack. I assumed I would start off about about 185 pounds and go from there. I figured, ehhh... it's not my max but it is certainly not wuss weight either. Sounded like a plan. A guy working out near us, looked over at the weight that I was about to pick up. In this order, I got a bug-eyed look, then a snuff, a condescending laugh and he topped it off with telling me that I was starting way too heavy. Had he just been concerned about the weight and my safety, I would have been perfectly fine and actually appreciative. Unfortunately, that was not the case. Well, if you know me at all, you know that regardless, I would have stopped at nothing to prove that guy wrong. It was only 3 reps. I had it! Next turn up, I went up another 10 pounds. Again, I got the same response, this time, he questioned if I really planned on going up higher then the original 185 pounds. Well, duh! If it was him working out in the second of five sets, I wouldn't question his intentions of going up in weight. Why wasn't I treated the same way? Set number three, I knew my limitations. I am hardheaded, but not stupid. I stuck with 205 and I swear I saw a look of satisfaction. Ohhh... It was on then! Momma swapped out the 35 pounders for the big dogs. I cleared 225 pounds for my last two sets. The last rep of the 5th set was a bit difficult, but I did it. As if all of that was not enough to prove the point that I was serious and knew what I was doing, he had to go one step further. Instead of praise or any congratulatory remark, he snuffed one last time and said, "There is no reason for you to be lifting that heavy.". Really?!?!?! Had this man not been a regular and a friend, (back when I was lifting like a teddy bear.), I would have knocked him on his ass. Well, probably not, but I wanted to. Does anyone ever go up to a guy and say that? How is it okay that he has a "reason" for lifting heavy but I don't? On top of that, why the hell would you risk pissing off a woman that can lift your ass? Let's not even forget that she is a 3rd degree blackbelt. That is just dumb.
Why is it that I have workout partners that are men and are completely supportive of my efforts but then I have men that are on the opposite sides of the spectrum? I totally get that some men do not appreciate or are intimidated by a strong woman and their physique. I understand that, but to each their own. I wish they could look beyond my boobs and recognizing that I am putting in as much effort as they are. Once I cross the line into the free weight area, I am no longer a girl. I am an athlete. (tee hee hee, I just called myself an athlete.). If you don't like that, don't work out with me. If you can't understand it, don't bother. If it makes you insecure because I am lifting reps of your 1 rep max... that's something for you to deal with. I put in the work. Fair and square!
Bottom line... Women and Men are both beautiful creatures. Each of us are capable of things that both intrigue and scare others. Those same things are what makes us different and what inspires and encourages others. All of us are in the gym for one primary reason, to look and feel better then we did yesterday. There is no place on the gym floor for judgment. Once you cross that threshold, you are all one collective group of people working towards the same goal. Lastly, don't piss off a girl that believes that she is capable of doing anything she puts her mind to.
