Until next time...

Okay, so last nights test did not go exactly as planned.

I left my house at 4:15 to get to the facility by 6:00.  Google said that it would take about 40 minutes so I assumed that I was going to be just fine.  I even brought nail polish to put on in the car while I waited since I was assuming I would be way early.  Early?  Not so much.  I was making great time until I hit 695.  There, traffic stopped.  The eternal optimist in me kept saying that some how it would work out.  I thought that one of my new fire buddies would sweep me up and turn on the sirens and make $hit happen.  Well, that was not the case.  At 5:50, I was still on 695 with another 3 miles to go and 8 at the following turn.  Pulling up, 20 minutes late, I thought going late was better then not going at all.  I don't often hear rejection.  I am sweet, friendly and have a nice smile.  Who wouldn't want to help me out?  Ms. Hutchensen, that's who. Because I was at the ocean, I had to book the very last testing slot they offered.  To my dissapointment there were no other slots to squeeze into and they were not offering makeup tests.  I didn't want to hear the words that were coming out of her mouth.  I kept thinking... "Yea, yea, get to the part where you tell me you will make an exception.".  She never got to that point.  Her parting words were, "Try again next year."  Then the flood gates opened.

I knew that I wanted this opportunity and my hope were as high as my fears.  I did not realize how confident I truly was. Which I think made it that much worse.  I was prepared to try like hell and fail.  I just was not prepared to not be granted the chance.  As I sat in my car waiting for Ms. Hutchensen to run out and tell me she was just kidding, I cried.  I looked to my right as the applicants finishing their test were walking to the CPAT orientation.  20 to 30  males looking fairly uncertain as they approached the test field.  I knew that if I was in that group, I would have my head up in the front of the line.  Instead, I sat in the parking ot with the other girlfriends, moms and wives.  I felt so out of place with these women.  My place was in that group.  I decided then, that there was where I belonged.  They say that you don't know what you have until its gone. Somehow that translates to this situation. Needless to say, it was a bittersweet feeling.

This morning, I put on my big girl panties and trucked on.  First things first.  I put myself on a job notice list for the surrounding fire departments.  This isn't over.