I miss blogging. Something about blogging rather then facebooking is just a little different. People can comment on facebook very easily, when I am blogging, its a bit more indirect. It gives me a feeling of security that I am doing this without regards for other peoples feelings. I am reminded that I am also doing this for me.
Not that I have anything that controversial to say. Ha!
I had a session with my therapist this morning and I cried from 9:01-9:59. This number thing is so freaking hard. I know you all know what I am talking about. I will be the first one to tell my clients that what the scale says does not matter but when it comes to myself, I can't let go. Last week, I saw 161. The closest to 160 that I have ever been. 1 pound away. 16ounces. That is insane that I can't break past that. What I do have to remember, and I am attempting to do so on here, is what I have accomplished during this 4 pound struggle. These last 4 pounds have been haunting me for weeks, months even. I was told today that its not about what I didn't do to lose those 4 pounds, its what I did do to hold on to those 4 pounds. First and foremost... It wasn't a gain. It's not like I hovered around 164 for two weeks and now I am at 180. I say, "Nay, Nay". In the course of this 4 pound struggle, I have learned and developed the muscle to do so much more. I have gone from 0 to 99% with a kipping pull-up. Pushing myself doing the pull-ups lead to something totally unexpected. I attempted the rope for the first time in a few months and I was literally only 2 pulls away from the top. That's at least 14 feet. Again, 0 to 99% success. I can deadlift sets of 20 at 135lbs. Once again, 0, (okay 45lbs) to 135lbs. I can do sets of 7 handstand push-ups. They are ugly and all get out but I can do them. Here it is again, 0 to 99%.
Come on brain, get with the program. That crap takes muscles. Not girly muscles. Big, strong, swollen muscles.
Uhhhhhhh! I am hoping that this sinks in a bit. Someone out there remind me to re-read this to myself once in a while.
Fear is our own worst enemy once you cross over the hump you can keep it off look how far you've come. Just do it take it off and show yourself that this time you have the strength, desire and will power to keep it off. You got this one minute, hour, day at a time. Can't wait to see the post that says I did it!
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