Today has been a mixed bag to say the least.
Starting my day in a therapy session seems to set the mood for the day. For some reason, I leave her office with a chip on my shoulder and annoyed at everyone in my way. My way or the highway. Gee.. I am sure that is healthy. I do however usually use that energy for good instead of evil. Some days. I make the confrontations that I have needed to, I close the doors that need closing, chip away at all of the incidentals that are involved closing deals of sorts. Initiate stagnant projects and plans. I suppose it is good but I wish I could buckle down every day and get that crap taken care of. Well, that's neither here nor there. It is what it is.
After yesterdays photo find, Brent's reprimanding and my quickly approaching goal... I am a beast back on plan. Back with a vengeance! This morning I weighed in at 166. That's crappy seeing as I have been at 164 already once in the last few weeks. Hey, it's also not 171 which it has also been recently. Jen and I had that conversation today. It is so freaking hard to try and balance it all. So guess what? I am not going to balance it. I am going to stay on track and suck it up for a bit. Buffalo wings and pizza will be there when I hit goal.
Another big "issue" of the day has been my muscle mass versus my skin and remaining fat. This is an issue that I have to deal with both physically and emotionally before I drive myself nuts. I am now floating between a size small and a size medium top and a size 10 pants. I am too small to continue dropping insane amounts of weight. I am too flabby to be "done" losing weight. I am too muscular to put on more muscle, I can't lose weight without the weight training and I can't keep the skin tone without the muscle. Uhhh... what to do, what to do? Unfortunately, I have outgrown Xavy's help. That leaves me in uncharted territory. I spent hours last night trying to help me come to a solution. It seems like it is going to be a bit of trial and error for a while and I am coming to terms with that. Brent is working on a plan for me and I am even considering enlisting the help of some medical professionals to see what my options are. I think that consulting a surgical weight loss center may be the best place to start. They deal with this issue every day. Surly they have some sort of magic laser or something.
Okay so you know there are no manic lasers and buttons. Please consider all your options before you go.the surgery route. It takes sometimes up to a year before the flab goes away. Reduce your weights increase your reps this will help tone without building muscle. I know this goes against everything you have learned but it works. Hang in there you've come sooooo far! You've got this!!
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