Friday, December 28, 2012
Lift off
The Facebook Group is taking shape. We have 69 members and are growing by the moment. Well, maybe that is a stretch. I did not want to lose the outlet here on the blog, but I am so glad that I started the group. Now - if I can just get everyone to understand that the group is the one place that it's pefectly acceptable to be supercilious and haughty, then we can really get this party started. haha
Today, I changed the name from "Momma Mud: Motivated by Mud" to just "Motivated by Mud". It is no longer MY group... it is OUR GROUP!
Keep it going, please add your friends. The more the merrier.
http://www.facebook.com/groups/motivatedbymud/
Today, I changed the name from "Momma Mud: Motivated by Mud" to just "Motivated by Mud". It is no longer MY group... it is OUR GROUP!
Keep it going, please add your friends. The more the merrier.
http://www.facebook.com/groups/motivatedbymud/
Thursday, December 27, 2012
The weight of the world
Secrets from the pro's-
So you have the sexy abs and the fitness model booty, but you want the shoulders to make your waist seem even smaller, to give you that desirable hourglass shape. In order to do that, you must build up your shoulders, capping your lateral delts, having a nice round curve, front to back.
Building beautiful shoulders
So you have the sexy abs and the fitness model booty, but you want the shoulders to make your waist seem even smaller, to give you that desirable hourglass shape. In order to do that, you must build up your shoulders, capping your lateral delts, having a nice round curve, front to back.
Building beautiful shoulders
Friday, December 21, 2012
I shall not flag nor fail.
I don't think that I could necessarily consider this a "Flex Friday" photo but it is Friday, and I am flexing. In an effort to commit myself to this new lifestyle, I wanted to very literally and tangibly commit. Whelp... can't get more committed then a tattoo.
There ya have it. I shall not flag nor fail. I am in this for the long haul. No matter how hard, how long, how grueling this journey is. I shall not flag nor fail. With its placement, if I plan to show it off ever and not look like an epic fail, I don't have much of a choice either. How is that for motivation?
Thanks Chris at Stone House. Fantastic work!
Wednesday, December 19, 2012
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
MY facebook
So, it maybe is or isn't my issue, but I have found that some of my old friends have completely squeezed me out on Facebook. Perhaps me posting on MY page has caused me to isolate myself. Recently, I have made a conscious effort to limit the motivational and inspirational posts and photos on my personal Facebook page. I have saved them all for my Motivated by Mud page and blog. It is almost a shame that I am giving in on this but I think its necessary in order to maintain some connection with the outside world. (The world that does not see my pursuit of fitness the way that I do.). I am uncertain about how I feel about this. I almost feel like I am selling out. Do you know what I mean? Anyone else have this issue?
I miss you.
I miss blogging. Something about blogging rather then facebooking is just a little different. People can comment on facebook very easily, when I am blogging, its a bit more indirect. It gives me a feeling of security that I am doing this without regards for other peoples feelings. I am reminded that I am also doing this for me.
Not that I have anything that controversial to say. Ha!
I had a session with my therapist this morning and I cried from 9:01-9:59. This number thing is so freaking hard. I know you all know what I am talking about. I will be the first one to tell my clients that what the scale says does not matter but when it comes to myself, I can't let go. Last week, I saw 161. The closest to 160 that I have ever been. 1 pound away. 16ounces. That is insane that I can't break past that. What I do have to remember, and I am attempting to do so on here, is what I have accomplished during this 4 pound struggle. These last 4 pounds have been haunting me for weeks, months even. I was told today that its not about what I didn't do to lose those 4 pounds, its what I did do to hold on to those 4 pounds. First and foremost... It wasn't a gain. It's not like I hovered around 164 for two weeks and now I am at 180. I say, "Nay, Nay". In the course of this 4 pound struggle, I have learned and developed the muscle to do so much more. I have gone from 0 to 99% with a kipping pull-up. Pushing myself doing the pull-ups lead to something totally unexpected. I attempted the rope for the first time in a few months and I was literally only 2 pulls away from the top. That's at least 14 feet. Again, 0 to 99% success. I can deadlift sets of 20 at 135lbs. Once again, 0, (okay 45lbs) to 135lbs. I can do sets of 7 handstand push-ups. They are ugly and all get out but I can do them. Here it is again, 0 to 99%.
Come on brain, get with the program. That crap takes muscles. Not girly muscles. Big, strong, swollen muscles.
Uhhhhhhh! I am hoping that this sinks in a bit. Someone out there remind me to re-read this to myself once in a while.
Not that I have anything that controversial to say. Ha!
I had a session with my therapist this morning and I cried from 9:01-9:59. This number thing is so freaking hard. I know you all know what I am talking about. I will be the first one to tell my clients that what the scale says does not matter but when it comes to myself, I can't let go. Last week, I saw 161. The closest to 160 that I have ever been. 1 pound away. 16ounces. That is insane that I can't break past that. What I do have to remember, and I am attempting to do so on here, is what I have accomplished during this 4 pound struggle. These last 4 pounds have been haunting me for weeks, months even. I was told today that its not about what I didn't do to lose those 4 pounds, its what I did do to hold on to those 4 pounds. First and foremost... It wasn't a gain. It's not like I hovered around 164 for two weeks and now I am at 180. I say, "Nay, Nay". In the course of this 4 pound struggle, I have learned and developed the muscle to do so much more. I have gone from 0 to 99% with a kipping pull-up. Pushing myself doing the pull-ups lead to something totally unexpected. I attempted the rope for the first time in a few months and I was literally only 2 pulls away from the top. That's at least 14 feet. Again, 0 to 99% success. I can deadlift sets of 20 at 135lbs. Once again, 0, (okay 45lbs) to 135lbs. I can do sets of 7 handstand push-ups. They are ugly and all get out but I can do them. Here it is again, 0 to 99%.
Come on brain, get with the program. That crap takes muscles. Not girly muscles. Big, strong, swollen muscles.
Uhhhhhhh! I am hoping that this sinks in a bit. Someone out there remind me to re-read this to myself once in a while.
Monday, December 10, 2012
Eggs. Yuck!
I am not a fan of eggs. Never was, never will be. In the past, people would ask me how I liked my eggs, my answer was, "On on someone elses plate.". I was my own worst nightmare getting into my meal plan. My meal plan listed egg whites as a staple. Uhhh... I was so annoyed. The only thing that I could possibly hate more then eggs were veggies and those suckers were on there too. I had not choice. It was a do or die kinda thing. I knew that I had to be all in on this whole process. So.... I rolled my eyes and snatched up my little list of nastyness.
Nine months later, for the most part, I am on auto-pilot. I know what I need to eat and I just do it. With little regard for flavor. Sure, I pick the best of the worst, but I don't nix something on my plan simply because I don't care for it. If Xavy would have told me to eat rabbit poo, I probably would have found a way to add it into some greek yogurt and make it work. There comes a point in the process where it all just clicks. One day you are adding salt or mayo to make your dish taste better, the next you are eating salad mix out of a bag like potatoes chips. Once you understand/remember that food simply "fuel", it is powerless over you. You can suck it up and plow through. I absolutely have times where I slip but getting back on track is inevitably the same series of events. Indulge on a cheat day..struggle with cravings...disgusted with my weakness... annoyed with my plan... buckling down on my meals... then... running on auto-pilot. The trick is, knowing that once you get off track, its not an excuse to quit. It's a chance to kick start it all again.
This weekend I was at a holiday party and spotted a deviled egg tray. Almost out of habit, I popped one in my mouth. I am not exactly sure which habit I was acting on. Was I acting on the the habit of being at a party and grabbing something mindlessly? Was I acting subconsciously because of my meal plan, shoveling in any egg white I see? Regardless, I immediately cringed in regret. I don't like eggs!
Weird...I eat 5-6 dozen of eggs a week for my meal plan. It's what works, so I do it. To be honest, I don't give it a second thought. At home, I eat for fuel. At the party, I was just eating because it was there. My brain some how knew the difference. Your brain is a very powerful tool. It tells you everything that you need to know about yourself. You just have to stop and listen to it. I think that this experience was a wake-up call reminding me that cheat meals are fine here and there, but fat lasts longer then flavor. I know what food choices are right and wrong, I am in control of every thing that I put in my body. Every choice I make is mine alone and my success is directly related to those choices that I make. My brain and body can tell the difference between clean food and run of the mill party food. That means that I have no excuses.
Nine months later, for the most part, I am on auto-pilot. I know what I need to eat and I just do it. With little regard for flavor. Sure, I pick the best of the worst, but I don't nix something on my plan simply because I don't care for it. If Xavy would have told me to eat rabbit poo, I probably would have found a way to add it into some greek yogurt and make it work. There comes a point in the process where it all just clicks. One day you are adding salt or mayo to make your dish taste better, the next you are eating salad mix out of a bag like potatoes chips. Once you understand/remember that food simply "fuel", it is powerless over you. You can suck it up and plow through. I absolutely have times where I slip but getting back on track is inevitably the same series of events. Indulge on a cheat day..struggle with cravings...disgusted with my weakness... annoyed with my plan... buckling down on my meals... then... running on auto-pilot. The trick is, knowing that once you get off track, its not an excuse to quit. It's a chance to kick start it all again.
This weekend I was at a holiday party and spotted a deviled egg tray. Almost out of habit, I popped one in my mouth. I am not exactly sure which habit I was acting on. Was I acting on the the habit of being at a party and grabbing something mindlessly? Was I acting subconsciously because of my meal plan, shoveling in any egg white I see? Regardless, I immediately cringed in regret. I don't like eggs!
Weird...I eat 5-6 dozen of eggs a week for my meal plan. It's what works, so I do it. To be honest, I don't give it a second thought. At home, I eat for fuel. At the party, I was just eating because it was there. My brain some how knew the difference. Your brain is a very powerful tool. It tells you everything that you need to know about yourself. You just have to stop and listen to it. I think that this experience was a wake-up call reminding me that cheat meals are fine here and there, but fat lasts longer then flavor. I know what food choices are right and wrong, I am in control of every thing that I put in my body. Every choice I make is mine alone and my success is directly related to those choices that I make. My brain and body can tell the difference between clean food and run of the mill party food. That means that I have no excuses.
Thursday, December 6, 2012
Nutritionist
Tip of the day:
Always
Be
Closing
I have made some connections recently which might give us some access to a Nutritionist. Not a few of us with some good ideas, a real nutritionist. How exciting, right? I will keep you all in the loop!
Always
Be
Closing
I have made some connections recently which might give us some access to a Nutritionist. Not a few of us with some good ideas, a real nutritionist. How exciting, right? I will keep you all in the loop!
Networking
Social networks such as Facebook, have either very loyal followers or they have the nay-sayers. I happen to be a loyal follower. Starting a Facebook page for the followers of my blog has proven to be a really good idea. I have already made some outside connections and I know a few of you have really gotten into it. Thank you for the support and the interest in my blog.
Please join this group and feel free to post it on your wall to your friends.
Momma Mud: Motivated by Mud
Please join this group and feel free to post it on your wall to your friends.
Momma Mud: Motivated by Mud
Sunday, December 2, 2012
28 days
In October, I made a goal to do 100 unassisted pull ups before New Years.
Where are my friends? Seriously, how come no one smacked me? Haha
So, I've been a bit obsessed with the whole pull up business for the last month. I got the dead hang. I've got the assisted. I have even gotten the kipping part down. Now...I've gotta put it all together and make some magic happen.
Does anyone else get on these little tangents too? I mean, I am up in the middle of the night googling tips. Crazy right? I'm not sure that its making the situation any better but I think my obsession has worn off on Becca. Every day, you can catch us trying until our hands are shredded. Last night, I hit my rock bottom. Well, rock top to be completely honest. At 2 a.m., I rigged up my assistance band on the rock climbing tactical board in my bedroom. (Yes, I've got a tactical board in my bedroom. Haha). Who does that crap in the middle of the night?
All of these tips and tries are paying off. Today, I put it all together. It was the same determination that got me up the wall bouldering. I took a deep breath and told myself I was not excepting anything but 150%. I have all the tools to make this happen. Courage, strength and determination. I gave it my all and I pulled off what could be considered the best effort of an unassisted kipping wide grip pull up ever. My chin was honestly about 4 inches away from th bar. Only 4 inches separate me from another goal. I've got all the hard parts down. I've got 28 more days to smash this goal. If I can do 1. I can do 100. If crossfit has taught be anything, its that 100 is only made up of a lot of 1's added together.
Thursday, November 29, 2012
Raising the bar...
Don't kid yourself. Us, right here... we are raising the bar. We are not pro-athletes, some of us are not yet pro physique competitors or elite military personnel. We are tough as hell, girls next door pushing ourselves far past what we once thought we could do.
How many girls from your office do you know that can do a pull-up? Have attempted a pull-up? Slim to none right? Go back a generation, any luck? We really are doing something that we should be proud of.
A year ago, I went to Kelly's bootcamp and tried a pull-up with an assistance band. I couldn't do it. I tried with all of my might but I just could not lift this booty of mine. When I started my training with Xavy, he accepted nothing but pure blood, sweat and tears. Day one, I was doing modified hanging pull-ups from the smith machine. After training about 4 months, I was doing maybe 10 pull-ups with the assistance band and 1 very labored dead hang. Brent's workout regimen pushed things even further. I am not sure what I expected being that every time I would look over, he was doing yet another set of pull-ups. Every single workout, I was working on my pull-ups. He taught me a kipping technique that just made me look like a bad ass. You know me, the better I think that I look, the harder that I am going to push myself. I watched as Donny did the same with Angela. Pushed, pushed, pushed! Recently, I have seen her bang out 10 unassisted kipping pull-ups in a row. Damn that girl is a beast. A few months into training with Brent and I am doing several sets of 12 assisted kipping pull-ups... in addition to my regular workouts. I can muster up 3 dead hangs and 40 second flexed arm hangs. Not too shabby. I have passed this on to Becca that is now kipping like a pro too. I owe it to the guys in the gym that don't let us wuss out. I owe it to the CrossFit WOD's that continue to push us to the limits and I owe it to the other hotties in the gym that make sure we know how awesome we are when we are doing them. It is a joint effort, no doubt. At the end of the day, we are the ones choosing to be hanging from the bar instead of sitting on a couch. It is women like us that are changing expectations for women. I read this morning that by 2014, the United States Marine Corps are changing women's P.F.T. standards to include pull-ups, not just flexed arm hangs.
Okay ladies, what are we going to tackle next?
http://www.inquisitr.com/414896/female-marines-will-have-to-perform-pull-ups-by-2014/
How many girls from your office do you know that can do a pull-up? Have attempted a pull-up? Slim to none right? Go back a generation, any luck? We really are doing something that we should be proud of.
A year ago, I went to Kelly's bootcamp and tried a pull-up with an assistance band. I couldn't do it. I tried with all of my might but I just could not lift this booty of mine. When I started my training with Xavy, he accepted nothing but pure blood, sweat and tears. Day one, I was doing modified hanging pull-ups from the smith machine. After training about 4 months, I was doing maybe 10 pull-ups with the assistance band and 1 very labored dead hang. Brent's workout regimen pushed things even further. I am not sure what I expected being that every time I would look over, he was doing yet another set of pull-ups. Every single workout, I was working on my pull-ups. He taught me a kipping technique that just made me look like a bad ass. You know me, the better I think that I look, the harder that I am going to push myself. I watched as Donny did the same with Angela. Pushed, pushed, pushed! Recently, I have seen her bang out 10 unassisted kipping pull-ups in a row. Damn that girl is a beast. A few months into training with Brent and I am doing several sets of 12 assisted kipping pull-ups... in addition to my regular workouts. I can muster up 3 dead hangs and 40 second flexed arm hangs. Not too shabby. I have passed this on to Becca that is now kipping like a pro too. I owe it to the guys in the gym that don't let us wuss out. I owe it to the CrossFit WOD's that continue to push us to the limits and I owe it to the other hotties in the gym that make sure we know how awesome we are when we are doing them. It is a joint effort, no doubt. At the end of the day, we are the ones choosing to be hanging from the bar instead of sitting on a couch. It is women like us that are changing expectations for women. I read this morning that by 2014, the United States Marine Corps are changing women's P.F.T. standards to include pull-ups, not just flexed arm hangs.
Okay ladies, what are we going to tackle next?
http://www.inquisitr.com/414896/female-marines-will-have-to-perform-pull-ups-by-2014/
Tuesday, November 27, 2012
World wide
Momma Mud dun gone world wide!
I have created a Facebook group. The "private blog" was a good idea and I am not getting rid of it, but this is a bit of an easier way for us all to connect taking out the middle man.
Have at it!
Momma Mud: Motivated by Mud
I have created a Facebook group. The "private blog" was a good idea and I am not getting rid of it, but this is a bit of an easier way for us all to connect taking out the middle man.
Have at it!
Momma Mud: Motivated by Mud
Monday, November 26, 2012
Prepare for Battle
It's that time of year again. It is time to start training for the Warrior Dash. This morning, I took advantage of the Cyber Monday deals and hooked myself ups for $35.00. What a deal!
This is going to be the 3rd year doing this. I hope to see more of my friends on the starting line with me.
Let the training begin.
www.warriordash.com
This is going to be the 3rd year doing this. I hope to see more of my friends on the starting line with me.
Let the training begin.
www.warriordash.com
Wednesday, November 21, 2012
Plan of attack
Last year, I handled Thanksgiving like a pro. I got up, and did a 10K with my buddy. I ate a decent breakfast and a healthy but light meal 20 minutes before I got to dinner. I plated my veggies and no carb food first. I filled up on that, and when I was done, I went back for the good stuff. That meant that I was already pretty full so I had to plate the yummy stuff in itsy bitsy piles. When I was done for the night, I headed back to the gym for a slow stroll on the treadmill. I didn't quite break a sweat, but I was moving.
This year, I plan to do the same. Possibly not the 10K, but something equally as grueling. It worked. I ate what I wanted, I offset the calories and fat, I didn't feel guilty. I finished up the holiday weeked on the scale having broke even. Perfect plan of attack.
Oh, one tip...
Skip the pie crust. No matter what kind of a pie it is, skip the crust. Just that tiny modification will help significantly.
Enjoy! See ya on the other side.
This year, I plan to do the same. Possibly not the 10K, but something equally as grueling. It worked. I ate what I wanted, I offset the calories and fat, I didn't feel guilty. I finished up the holiday weeked on the scale having broke even. Perfect plan of attack.
Oh, one tip...
Skip the pie crust. No matter what kind of a pie it is, skip the crust. Just that tiny modification will help significantly.
Enjoy! See ya on the other side.
Happy Thanksgiving
Happy Thanksgiving!
Tomorrow is going to be an incredibly busy day, but I am just as thankful today as I would be tomorrow. So, you all get your well wishes now so be thankful. lol
On Facebook, I keep seeing all of the daily thanks posts from friends of mine. It is really neat reading some of the things that people come up with. I just love it. I missed the start of the month so I didn't end up ever starting. I figured that when today came around, I would compile it all. That starts my first, "Thanks". I am thankful that I have a followers that make my words feel significant.
Things that I am thankful for:
-My health.
-My courage to try new things.
-My strength to push forward. Longer, heavier, higher and further every day.
-My new found endurance.
-My blog and my followers.
-My new friends made by my blog.
-My few friends that have supported me along the way, understanding that my social life has needed to take a backseat to my wellness.
-My job.
-My gym and my gym family.
-My Uncle Pat. He is sadly no longer with us but he will never be forgotten. Uncle Pat always had a way of seeing through me. He always "got" me no matter what the circumstances were. He understood that this process was much bigger then simply slimming down.
-My knowledgeable friends who have had a hand in guiding me during this journey. Kelly G., Xavy, Tracy, Chris E., Chris W. and Brent.
-My family. Not just my blood family, the adopted family. I love you all.
Tomorrow is going to be an incredibly busy day, but I am just as thankful today as I would be tomorrow. So, you all get your well wishes now so be thankful. lol
On Facebook, I keep seeing all of the daily thanks posts from friends of mine. It is really neat reading some of the things that people come up with. I just love it. I missed the start of the month so I didn't end up ever starting. I figured that when today came around, I would compile it all. That starts my first, "Thanks". I am thankful that I have a followers that make my words feel significant.
Things that I am thankful for:
-My health.
-My courage to try new things.
-My strength to push forward. Longer, heavier, higher and further every day.
-My new found endurance.
-My blog and my followers.
-My new friends made by my blog.
-My few friends that have supported me along the way, understanding that my social life has needed to take a backseat to my wellness.
-My job.
-My gym and my gym family.
-My Uncle Pat. He is sadly no longer with us but he will never be forgotten. Uncle Pat always had a way of seeing through me. He always "got" me no matter what the circumstances were. He understood that this process was much bigger then simply slimming down.
-My knowledgeable friends who have had a hand in guiding me during this journey. Kelly G., Xavy, Tracy, Chris E., Chris W. and Brent.
-My family. Not just my blood family, the adopted family. I love you all.
Shower time
If you have been following the blog, you will remember that I made a post called Tubby time. The post was all about how much of an excruciating procedure simply getting a bath could be if you were over weight. It was pretty funny but unfortunately, no joke. This morning in the shower, I discovered that I had some new experiences that would make perfect material for a "Part 2".
I am just going to go out on a limb and call myself a "body builder". By definition, I suppose that I am, but as far as a competition division, ehhh... not so much. Anyway, that is besides the point. As a "body builder", as expected, my body has changed. We are no longer talking about leaning out and making my old body smaller, we are talking about tweaking select parts and changing its shape. I was always under the understanding that you get what you are given. Your shape is your shape. Well, that is not at all true. Your body is very moldable if you put in the effort. Building a wider back and wide shoulders, I am offsetting the proportions of my body. Making my butt a little less, "BAM!!". By building triceps, I am filling in the fly-away arm area. So on and so forth. I am single handedly molding certain parts into a shape that I like.
So here we go...
-My alarm goes off in the morning, I roll out of bed being careful not to strain a muscle. Last week, I pulled the covers over and pulled a tricep muscle of some sort. You guessed it, the morning after Chest and Tri day.
-I shuffle to the the shower passing the vanity where I habitually flex my biceps and check the progress of my abs. (Don't you dare even judge me, you know that you do the same thing.). In the morning is the best time of day, I'm all dried out from the 8 hours without water and everything is in its rightful place.
-As I climb in the shower, I do a quick reflection of the workout two nights before. Will I be able to lift my leg over the tub today? Without using my arms to hoist them over the edge? The day after leg day isn't such a big deal, its always the second day that kills ya.
-In the shower, the hot water feels fantastic. After a good 8 minutes of just letting the water run over me, my muscles now have the elasticity for me to bend over and pick up the rag at the bottom of the tub. Of course its not hung up, I did an upper body workout of some kind the day before. There was no way I was lifting my arms above my head twice. Washing my hair was challenging enough. I'll toss the rag, if it catches, great. If not, screw it.
-Let's just get the hellish part over with as soon as possible. Washing my hair is an effort most days. There is no lather, rinse, and repeat. Repeat-ha! I've even gone as far as buying a two-in-one shampoo and conditioner. Fingers crossed I don't get any soap in my eyes. If I did back the night before, reaching for the dry towel across the bathroom from the tub is going to hurt like hell.
-While the two-in-one rinses from my hair, its time to shave my legs. I plop my leg up on the ledge and am instantly distracted by my quads and hammys. I cross them off of my mental check list of things coming along pretty darn well. Then I put my leg back down to check out the difference between up and down, flexed and relaxed, turned and facing forward. The list goes on. Honestly, it's almost pathetic. Oh, I am not done yet, I have to give my calves the attention they deserve. I plop my foot back up on the ledge and start the process all over again. T.M.I. Alert- the inner thighs these days have tendons. Be very, very careful. They used to just be chub but now it's a bit of an obstacle course. Thank goodness I have lost weight, here I am 12 minutes into shaving my legs and have not picked up the razor. At least there is significantly less surface area to shave.
-So I have lost surface area on my legs but gained some on my back. It was bad enough to reach around to wash my middle upper back before, now with my new found lats, its damn near impossible. I've figured it out, but every single day, I do the same thing. I keep trying the whole, "reach across and under my arm", method to wash my back. Really, when will I learn? I even still try it again with the other hand. Alas, up and over the shoulder & behind and up the middle of my back are my only options. If I do the behind and up method, we might as well add another minute to the process. I love my Longissmus Thoracis and my Serratus Posterior. (Look who has been studying her Personal Training manual.). My spine is about an inch below my left and right side of my back. Kinda cool.
-Belly. This is a given. You gotta know that even though I checked out my abs before I got in the shower, I have to double check to see if they have changed in the last 20 minutes. Sad. Just sad.
-Last bit of shaving left is my under arms. Back in the day, 20 seconds and I was done. Lather them up, one stroke up, one stroke down and done. Haha. Oh how I miss those days. Recently, I have found that shaving my armpits might be the most challenging part of this whole process. No matter which direction I shave, how many times I try, there is that one spot that taunts me. There is a black hole within the crevisis of my armpits between the muscles. Where the hell did that come from. I need to do some research on this particular issue.
-Nearly done. All that I really have left is to wash my chest and my chest. Yes, both. Not both boobs, both sets of my chest. Every day, I am amazed that my chest has changed so much. I think that it is the single body part with the most significant difference from when I started. As I am feeling myself up in the very least sexual way, my opinions of the new parts go from one extreme to the next. Proud, disgusted, annoyed, excited, surprised, worried but I settle on... awesome. My plump (but saggy), double d's are a thing of the past. No matter how hard I squish and squeeze, where there used to be some fantastic cleavage is a gaping two inch wide valley. The separation in my pecs keep my boobies from even being in the same zip code. Naked, its not the sexiest thing to look at but in bra and shirt, my boobage stretches from one hairy armpit to the other. Not a bad set up at all. So, back the the concepts of two sets of chest. I have my pecs and my boobage, two separate entities. After chest day, I look like Mathew MacConauhay with those chicken cutlet bra inserts super glued to his chest. Again, naked... ehhh. In a bra, a pushup bra... Whoa baby! A pushup bra pushes those babies up on top of the pecs and viola!
-And..... Done! Finally. It only took me 40 minutes. No wonder I am late for work every day. I get out of the shower and reach for the lotion. I have to keep this skin moist and smelling fresh. Three pumps of lotion usually does the trick but I don't put it on quite yet. I head to the medicine cabinet to add a heafty dollop of Aspercream into the lotion. This concoction has been a life saver. Try it.
I am just going to go out on a limb and call myself a "body builder". By definition, I suppose that I am, but as far as a competition division, ehhh... not so much. Anyway, that is besides the point. As a "body builder", as expected, my body has changed. We are no longer talking about leaning out and making my old body smaller, we are talking about tweaking select parts and changing its shape. I was always under the understanding that you get what you are given. Your shape is your shape. Well, that is not at all true. Your body is very moldable if you put in the effort. Building a wider back and wide shoulders, I am offsetting the proportions of my body. Making my butt a little less, "BAM!!". By building triceps, I am filling in the fly-away arm area. So on and so forth. I am single handedly molding certain parts into a shape that I like.
So here we go...
-My alarm goes off in the morning, I roll out of bed being careful not to strain a muscle. Last week, I pulled the covers over and pulled a tricep muscle of some sort. You guessed it, the morning after Chest and Tri day.
-I shuffle to the the shower passing the vanity where I habitually flex my biceps and check the progress of my abs. (Don't you dare even judge me, you know that you do the same thing.). In the morning is the best time of day, I'm all dried out from the 8 hours without water and everything is in its rightful place.
-As I climb in the shower, I do a quick reflection of the workout two nights before. Will I be able to lift my leg over the tub today? Without using my arms to hoist them over the edge? The day after leg day isn't such a big deal, its always the second day that kills ya.
-In the shower, the hot water feels fantastic. After a good 8 minutes of just letting the water run over me, my muscles now have the elasticity for me to bend over and pick up the rag at the bottom of the tub. Of course its not hung up, I did an upper body workout of some kind the day before. There was no way I was lifting my arms above my head twice. Washing my hair was challenging enough. I'll toss the rag, if it catches, great. If not, screw it.
-Let's just get the hellish part over with as soon as possible. Washing my hair is an effort most days. There is no lather, rinse, and repeat. Repeat-ha! I've even gone as far as buying a two-in-one shampoo and conditioner. Fingers crossed I don't get any soap in my eyes. If I did back the night before, reaching for the dry towel across the bathroom from the tub is going to hurt like hell.
-While the two-in-one rinses from my hair, its time to shave my legs. I plop my leg up on the ledge and am instantly distracted by my quads and hammys. I cross them off of my mental check list of things coming along pretty darn well. Then I put my leg back down to check out the difference between up and down, flexed and relaxed, turned and facing forward. The list goes on. Honestly, it's almost pathetic. Oh, I am not done yet, I have to give my calves the attention they deserve. I plop my foot back up on the ledge and start the process all over again. T.M.I. Alert- the inner thighs these days have tendons. Be very, very careful. They used to just be chub but now it's a bit of an obstacle course. Thank goodness I have lost weight, here I am 12 minutes into shaving my legs and have not picked up the razor. At least there is significantly less surface area to shave.
-So I have lost surface area on my legs but gained some on my back. It was bad enough to reach around to wash my middle upper back before, now with my new found lats, its damn near impossible. I've figured it out, but every single day, I do the same thing. I keep trying the whole, "reach across and under my arm", method to wash my back. Really, when will I learn? I even still try it again with the other hand. Alas, up and over the shoulder & behind and up the middle of my back are my only options. If I do the behind and up method, we might as well add another minute to the process. I love my Longissmus Thoracis and my Serratus Posterior. (Look who has been studying her Personal Training manual.). My spine is about an inch below my left and right side of my back. Kinda cool.
-Belly. This is a given. You gotta know that even though I checked out my abs before I got in the shower, I have to double check to see if they have changed in the last 20 minutes. Sad. Just sad.
-Last bit of shaving left is my under arms. Back in the day, 20 seconds and I was done. Lather them up, one stroke up, one stroke down and done. Haha. Oh how I miss those days. Recently, I have found that shaving my armpits might be the most challenging part of this whole process. No matter which direction I shave, how many times I try, there is that one spot that taunts me. There is a black hole within the crevisis of my armpits between the muscles. Where the hell did that come from. I need to do some research on this particular issue.
-Nearly done. All that I really have left is to wash my chest and my chest. Yes, both. Not both boobs, both sets of my chest. Every day, I am amazed that my chest has changed so much. I think that it is the single body part with the most significant difference from when I started. As I am feeling myself up in the very least sexual way, my opinions of the new parts go from one extreme to the next. Proud, disgusted, annoyed, excited, surprised, worried but I settle on... awesome. My plump (but saggy), double d's are a thing of the past. No matter how hard I squish and squeeze, where there used to be some fantastic cleavage is a gaping two inch wide valley. The separation in my pecs keep my boobies from even being in the same zip code. Naked, its not the sexiest thing to look at but in bra and shirt, my boobage stretches from one hairy armpit to the other. Not a bad set up at all. So, back the the concepts of two sets of chest. I have my pecs and my boobage, two separate entities. After chest day, I look like Mathew MacConauhay with those chicken cutlet bra inserts super glued to his chest. Again, naked... ehhh. In a bra, a pushup bra... Whoa baby! A pushup bra pushes those babies up on top of the pecs and viola!
-And..... Done! Finally. It only took me 40 minutes. No wonder I am late for work every day. I get out of the shower and reach for the lotion. I have to keep this skin moist and smelling fresh. Three pumps of lotion usually does the trick but I don't put it on quite yet. I head to the medicine cabinet to add a heafty dollop of Aspercream into the lotion. This concoction has been a life saver. Try it.
Saturday, November 17, 2012
Old School
For those of you that have only met me within the last 10 years, you missed a very interesting time in my life. Pink hair, tattoos, piercings. Oh lordy was I pierced. You name the part, I could show you how it was decorated.
As we have covered in passed blogs, I was fat since senior year. Lets do the math... 1998/1999 - 2012. My very first piercing at 18 years old was my belly button. I though I was hot stuff at 200lbs rocking my tummy decor. Why didn't anyone tell me otherwise? Long story short, it never healed well. It was stuck under rolls of flab and squeezed into jeans. Not an environment conducive to healing speared body parts. After a few years, I gave up and took it out. Let it close up and shut that chapter of my cool life.
Recently, I've been unveiling my belly for flex friday. Embracing it, stretch marks and all. This summer, I even donned a bikini. Things are only looking better in the tummy department. The stretch marks, well, there is nothing I can do about them. I have decided that they are my tiger stripes and I have earned them. They are a constant reminder of where I was and where I am going. There is/was however one little scar over my belly button that I had started to feel a bit self conscious of. I had enough with the skin and stretch marks, that was just one more thing in the mirror to dwell on. Yesterday morning, I woke up and had a thought. I thought that if I could cover that scar, I'd feel so much better. But with what? A tattoo? Plastic surgery? Ehhh. A piece of jewelry? Hmmm. I thought back to this summer when in my polka dot bikini, I was playing in the ocean with Gracin, my cousin. She pointed out the scar and asked what it was. After explaining, she looked at me very squarely and told me to never do that again. For the heck of it, I entertained that stance and asked her why. At 7 years old, she frankly said, "DoyDoy, it's just too goth.". That little bugger. I can't say that her opinion didn't weigh heavily on my decision. All in all, another piercing, goth or not, did seem like the best option. Okay! That was it! That was the solution. So... 8 hours later, I walked into the tattoo place and walked out with a new trophy. This time I didn't get my belly button pierced because I thought it was was cool thing to do, I got it because.... well, because I can. I earned this tummy and I can decorate it any way that I want.
I am pretty sure my inspiration came from my very pierced friend Becca. I still love the look. I miss it terribly. I only told one person that I was going to do it. I felt like a teenager sneaking around because I knew mom would hate it. Well, she will hate it. Possibly more now since she thought that I was over that part of my wild past.
So, here I am. 31 years old and just got my belly button pierced. I get a chance to try this over again. First, lets start with ending this blog post. Sitting down hurts my tummy. Ouch!
Thursday, November 15, 2012
I think I'm done here.
Guess who has been crushing shoulders this week?
A new muscle group has joined us. Welcome to the party, Miss. Delt & friends. Good golly! If that's what's popping out at 31% bodyfat (estimated), then I've made it. Let's try to maintain this for a bit and see what happens.
Wednesday, November 14, 2012
Change
My blog is littered with ah'ha moments that I have had over the past year or so. Every one of those moments just get more and more mind blowing. The more weight that I drop, the more that I dig down inside of myself to uncover new things. I honestly believe that if I was reading some of this blog as an overweight person, I would read most of it and think to myself, "What the hell is she talking about?". There are just some parts of this journey that you have to actually walk to understand. Just reading it will never be enough. So why do I write it? Well, I write it because I know that it helps me organize my thoughts. Often, I do not even have a formulated plan about what I am going to write. I have a thought, I start typing and all of the sudden... BAM! I have a blog post. I write it because I know that there are a few of you out there who are approaching or have the significant weight loss that I have achieved and may be struggling with the same things. I write this because I know that there are a few of you that are just beginning your journey. Some of this may not apply now, but when it does, I can sorta help provide a reference for you.
Losing 10 pounds is great. Losing 20 pounds is fantastic. Losing 30 pounds is life altering. Every single pound is significant, every single pound is a tribute to your success. Your determination. Your hours that you put in the gym and fixing your meals. At 96lbs. down, (on a good day), my life is different. I am different. There is almost nothing about my day that is the same as it was a year ago. It has to be different. I had to change who I was. I was not happy being fat, lazy, sore, ugly, negative and insecure. You can not be the same person you were and expect to turn your life in a whole different direction. If you make small changes in your life, your results will be small. If you make big changes, your results will be big. I didn't wanna loose a little weight and make a change from very fat to just a little fat. I wanted to change myself from very fat to very fit. There is a huge difference between those two places. If I didn't reinvent myself, then the Lori that I was 2 years ago would not have let me make the time in my day to workout every day. That Lori would have chosen McDonalds for lunch today instead of spinach salad. I didn't like her, she didn't do anything good for me. I think different, I look different and I feel different. I am a changed and changing person. That is not at all a bad thing.
The people that tell you that you shouldn't change are the people that are satisfied with where they are or are satisfied with where you are. Both are unhealthy voices. If you want to change, do it. No one can do it for you.
Losing 10 pounds is great. Losing 20 pounds is fantastic. Losing 30 pounds is life altering. Every single pound is significant, every single pound is a tribute to your success. Your determination. Your hours that you put in the gym and fixing your meals. At 96lbs. down, (on a good day), my life is different. I am different. There is almost nothing about my day that is the same as it was a year ago. It has to be different. I had to change who I was. I was not happy being fat, lazy, sore, ugly, negative and insecure. You can not be the same person you were and expect to turn your life in a whole different direction. If you make small changes in your life, your results will be small. If you make big changes, your results will be big. I didn't wanna loose a little weight and make a change from very fat to just a little fat. I wanted to change myself from very fat to very fit. There is a huge difference between those two places. If I didn't reinvent myself, then the Lori that I was 2 years ago would not have let me make the time in my day to workout every day. That Lori would have chosen McDonalds for lunch today instead of spinach salad. I didn't like her, she didn't do anything good for me. I think different, I look different and I feel different. I am a changed and changing person. That is not at all a bad thing.
The people that tell you that you shouldn't change are the people that are satisfied with where they are or are satisfied with where you are. Both are unhealthy voices. If you want to change, do it. No one can do it for you.
Tuesday, November 13, 2012
Judgment free zone
I am a girl. I am motivated by several things. One of which is the impending attention from onlookers. If you say that you are not, you are just kidding yourself. We are human, its what we do.
I joined my gym about a year and a half ago. I was in a relationship-ish sorta thing that was all wrong for my future, but perfect at the moment. I was dating a guy that was long distance and emotionally unavailable. Part of the "all wrong" part was because I had settled for what I could get. He was a good guy but not the pick of the litter. I was not physically and emotionally in a position to walk up to a hot guy and hit on him. That's not to say that I took anything that came along, it just means that a part of me choose the best of the worst and tried to make it work. Regardless of the how's or why's, I was in this relationship. As merky as it was, it worked. That allowed me to feel the partnership when I needed it but the time and energy to focus on myself. Hundreds of people flow in and out of the gyms that I go to, and each one of them grab your attention for a different reason. I was comfortably certain that I was the "big girl with the pretty face". Xavy and I even had a little joke going on because that seemed to be the description that everyone gave me. Pretty face, butter body. lol. I have a big personality so I knew that people knew who I was, but beyond my name and a passing nod, I was invisible. These days, I walk into my gym and by 8 feet in, I've acknowledged the attention of 5 people. It has nothing to do with the amount of time I am in there or how long I have been a member. It has everything to do with the confidence that my weight loss has given me, the size of my ass, and how many pushups I can do. People say that they don't judge by what is on the outside but that is not true at all.
I have had a guy at my gym ask for my number a year ago but never call. I suppose I was on an emergency booty call list somewhere. 40 lbs later and a new haircut, he introduced himself to me and asked for my number, again. He had no clue that I was the same person. This time he did call. Over and over again. Long story short, 1 date, I was annoyed and that was that. The point is, I was the same girl. How he looked at me was different. There's no secret that we have some hotties in my gym. By hotties, I am not saying they are people I am interested in, just people that you walk past and for one reason or another say, "Damn!". A year ago, none of them really talked to me. They were all very polite but none of them took the time to be my "friend". Today, I'd say that the top 5 hotties, (men and women), are within the last 10 contacts of text messages received in my phone. I have wiggled my size 10 ass into that category. Into that group of people.
Today, I am single. It took me quite a bit of time to see how my weight loss has effected how others relate to me. In the beginning, I was naive. I thought that all of the sudden I had all of these new guy friends because they respected me in the gym. In part, that was right. The other part was that I had physically put myself on a level where they could respectably flirt with me. Respectably in front of their friends that is. Initially, I was a bit overwhelmed and needed to learn that I could and needed to pick and choose. It's only been a few months of that but still, I think I've got that one under my belt. Where I am now, I have met/remet a great guy and workout buddy, Brent. He is one of those hotties at the gym, and a real friend of mine. Someone that I walked passed every day but never thought, I, Lori, had a chance in hell of getting a second look from. There was a certain point where I blew him off all together because there was no point in bothering to get to know him. Today, we workout together and hangout together and I have gotten to learn a lot about myself through him. He seems to 'get' where I am coming from on all fronts. He has no illusions. He understands that the whole process for me is a bit tumultuous. In turn, my future relationships may feel the grunt of that. He was really the one that brought all of this to light. He said something last night that kinda threw me for a loop. He could foresee me in my future wanting to explore all of my new options. The hot guys, the ripped, young and popular guys. Entertain relationships of sorts that were once unfeasible. I politely reminded him that he is one of those guys. (Physically). Don't I know how to shmooze? lol . He and his friends were once a few of the ones that I thought I could never get within 20 feet of. I wasn't pretty enough. We have a connection that goes a bit beyond physical but the fact that he looks like a catalog model doesn't hurt one bit. Who wouldn't wanna workout with a nice piece of eye candy. I never imagined that I was in a place (physically) where the guy on the other side of this conversation could objectively see all of this play out and assume that as soon as the next muscle bound guy that can do more pull-ups walks by, he is the one on the bench. Wow. Just wow. Talk about coming full circle. To talk this out with a guy is very interesting. My girlfriends and I talk about this stuff all of the time but to hear a man's perspective is very interesting.
Not only have I been absorbed into a different circle of friends, I have opened up a new door of dating prospects. It is interesting to be on the other side. I see things differently now. I have to admit, I find myself looking at others that are overweight and thinking, "Why?". If they don't seem to be interested in bettering themselves, then they are (in my head) not a strong person. They are not in control of themselves, not disciplined and not reaching higher. Those traits are the exact opposite of what I need in my life. So maybe, just maybe.... Those people were not looking down on me because I was fat. Maybe they were dismissing me because I was potentially toxic to their personal journeys. Something to think about.
I joined my gym about a year and a half ago. I was in a relationship-ish sorta thing that was all wrong for my future, but perfect at the moment. I was dating a guy that was long distance and emotionally unavailable. Part of the "all wrong" part was because I had settled for what I could get. He was a good guy but not the pick of the litter. I was not physically and emotionally in a position to walk up to a hot guy and hit on him. That's not to say that I took anything that came along, it just means that a part of me choose the best of the worst and tried to make it work. Regardless of the how's or why's, I was in this relationship. As merky as it was, it worked. That allowed me to feel the partnership when I needed it but the time and energy to focus on myself. Hundreds of people flow in and out of the gyms that I go to, and each one of them grab your attention for a different reason. I was comfortably certain that I was the "big girl with the pretty face". Xavy and I even had a little joke going on because that seemed to be the description that everyone gave me. Pretty face, butter body. lol. I have a big personality so I knew that people knew who I was, but beyond my name and a passing nod, I was invisible. These days, I walk into my gym and by 8 feet in, I've acknowledged the attention of 5 people. It has nothing to do with the amount of time I am in there or how long I have been a member. It has everything to do with the confidence that my weight loss has given me, the size of my ass, and how many pushups I can do. People say that they don't judge by what is on the outside but that is not true at all.
I have had a guy at my gym ask for my number a year ago but never call. I suppose I was on an emergency booty call list somewhere. 40 lbs later and a new haircut, he introduced himself to me and asked for my number, again. He had no clue that I was the same person. This time he did call. Over and over again. Long story short, 1 date, I was annoyed and that was that. The point is, I was the same girl. How he looked at me was different. There's no secret that we have some hotties in my gym. By hotties, I am not saying they are people I am interested in, just people that you walk past and for one reason or another say, "Damn!". A year ago, none of them really talked to me. They were all very polite but none of them took the time to be my "friend". Today, I'd say that the top 5 hotties, (men and women), are within the last 10 contacts of text messages received in my phone. I have wiggled my size 10 ass into that category. Into that group of people.
Today, I am single. It took me quite a bit of time to see how my weight loss has effected how others relate to me. In the beginning, I was naive. I thought that all of the sudden I had all of these new guy friends because they respected me in the gym. In part, that was right. The other part was that I had physically put myself on a level where they could respectably flirt with me. Respectably in front of their friends that is. Initially, I was a bit overwhelmed and needed to learn that I could and needed to pick and choose. It's only been a few months of that but still, I think I've got that one under my belt. Where I am now, I have met/remet a great guy and workout buddy, Brent. He is one of those hotties at the gym, and a real friend of mine. Someone that I walked passed every day but never thought, I, Lori, had a chance in hell of getting a second look from. There was a certain point where I blew him off all together because there was no point in bothering to get to know him. Today, we workout together and hangout together and I have gotten to learn a lot about myself through him. He seems to 'get' where I am coming from on all fronts. He has no illusions. He understands that the whole process for me is a bit tumultuous. In turn, my future relationships may feel the grunt of that. He was really the one that brought all of this to light. He said something last night that kinda threw me for a loop. He could foresee me in my future wanting to explore all of my new options. The hot guys, the ripped, young and popular guys. Entertain relationships of sorts that were once unfeasible. I politely reminded him that he is one of those guys. (Physically). Don't I know how to shmooze? lol . He and his friends were once a few of the ones that I thought I could never get within 20 feet of. I wasn't pretty enough. We have a connection that goes a bit beyond physical but the fact that he looks like a catalog model doesn't hurt one bit. Who wouldn't wanna workout with a nice piece of eye candy. I never imagined that I was in a place (physically) where the guy on the other side of this conversation could objectively see all of this play out and assume that as soon as the next muscle bound guy that can do more pull-ups walks by, he is the one on the bench. Wow. Just wow. Talk about coming full circle. To talk this out with a guy is very interesting. My girlfriends and I talk about this stuff all of the time but to hear a man's perspective is very interesting.
Not only have I been absorbed into a different circle of friends, I have opened up a new door of dating prospects. It is interesting to be on the other side. I see things differently now. I have to admit, I find myself looking at others that are overweight and thinking, "Why?". If they don't seem to be interested in bettering themselves, then they are (in my head) not a strong person. They are not in control of themselves, not disciplined and not reaching higher. Those traits are the exact opposite of what I need in my life. So maybe, just maybe.... Those people were not looking down on me because I was fat. Maybe they were dismissing me because I was potentially toxic to their personal journeys. Something to think about.
Monday, November 12, 2012
Boys against Girls
One thing we have all discussed is the gender gap in the gym. Women stick to cardio, men stick to weights. In my gym anyway, I worked out with the men because there were not any women that were training on my level. When Alicia was still working with us, I was not quite where as motivated as I am now. I missed out on a huge opportunity. I can't say that I am on my own over in Testosterone Island any longer. I have started to get to know Becca and Angela, and those girls give me a run for my money. Becca, I met in boot camp this summer and she doesnt know the meaning of, " I can't". Angela is Donny's sister. Enough said, she is insane. Such and inspiration. On Saturday, we all competed in the Tough Hero competition and showed the boys how it is done. On Sunday, Becca and I got together and worked out. It is so nice to have female friends in the gym again.
I think that we are going to be really good for each other. I think that the few of us will stick together and motivate each other. We all seem to be good at different things. That is going to be quite handy in cross training.
I think that we are going to be really good for each other. I think that the few of us will stick together and motivate each other. We all seem to be good at different things. That is going to be quite handy in cross training.
Saturday, November 10, 2012
Happy birthday Marines!
Today is the Marine Corps Birthday. It was just an ordinary day up until 2008. This photo was taken the morning of the U.S.M.C. Birthday Ball. I was the lucky date of my ex-husband to be. I remember looking for dresses with my mom. I was about a size 18. I had lost a bit of weight and rolled in about 215-220 pounds. I will have to see if I can find a only of me in the dress.
What a difference! The ass is still the same though. Go figure.
Things are starting to come along and I am leaning out a lot in my upper body. Uncovering some of that definition is certainly giving me some will power. I weighed in this morning at 164. Not great but as you might have noticed, its been a while since I updated ya'll on my weight. ;)
Friday, November 9, 2012
Thursday, November 8, 2012
waffle shmaffle
Time to revamp...
I have been doing the Oatmeal/Egg White Waffle thing for breakfast every morning and boy is it yummy. I have also become quite a fan for P28 bread so my breakfasts are interchangeable with those two. I think I need to give my body a little wakeup call to get over this hump. Perhaps I am doing a bit too much in the carb department lately. I understand that I need the energy but I also need to shock my body a bit. Show it who's boss. Last night, I tried to make my now famous Ricotta Cheese/Egg Waffles and let me just tell you, I am a bit rusty. I had to come here on the recipe section of the blog and revisit the directions. After two tries, they still looked and tasted like a hot mess. Anyone have any modifications on them that worked?
I have been doing the Oatmeal/Egg White Waffle thing for breakfast every morning and boy is it yummy. I have also become quite a fan for P28 bread so my breakfasts are interchangeable with those two. I think I need to give my body a little wakeup call to get over this hump. Perhaps I am doing a bit too much in the carb department lately. I understand that I need the energy but I also need to shock my body a bit. Show it who's boss. Last night, I tried to make my now famous Ricotta Cheese/Egg Waffles and let me just tell you, I am a bit rusty. I had to come here on the recipe section of the blog and revisit the directions. After two tries, they still looked and tasted like a hot mess. Anyone have any modifications on them that worked?
Tuesday, November 6, 2012
What's in it for me?
Last night, Brent and I discussed my involvement with karate. I am still going to class on Thursdays, but the excitement is just not there like it used to be. A year ago, I was involved in all things Martial Arts. Was that a phase? Naa. It was a necessary stepping stone in my journey. I love how "friends" of mine have decided that my involvement with karate went exclusively hand in hand with my social life. Of course surrounding myself with other Martial Artists aided my continued involvement. Who doesn't surround themselves with people with similar interests?
When I decided that I needed a change, that I needed to get physical, (*singing... "Get physical, physical..."), I knew I had to do what I enjoyed doing. I hated the treadmill and I still do. So to assume that I was going to get on a treadmill one day and stick to it was unrealistic. Karate was one thing that I enjoyed as a child. I reconnected with my former organization and I found my starting line. Initially, those 4 hours a week in class were the most active 4 hours that I had in a week. As I found my footing and started picking up new things, I made new friends, started teaching and started climbing rank. I physically worked myself up to training 4-5 days a week. That dedication laid the groundwork for my gym time these days. I knew then that I could indeed find the extra time in my day if it was something that I wanted badly enough. In the beginning of this year, my focus shifted into my gym training. Karate classes were ending for the spring and I needed to keep active. Then... Summer Break! During my summer break from Karate, my life had flipped upside down. As much as I love karate, those few hours a week that I have to spend on anything other then work and sleep had to be used as efficiently as possible. My time is just as valuable as everyone elses. In my karate class, I simply do not get the workout that I need. My body and endurance has adjusted and it is simply not as challenging as it once was. My body and journey can not afford for me to take a break. Once a week is about as much as I can give up from my training routine at the gym and still maintain this progress.
Karate was my stepping stone, my starting line, my gateway. Without it, I would have not known what I was capable of. By doing something I enjoyed doing, I was able to lay the groundwork for the next leg of my journey. The reason I bring this up is because I hear people tell me all of the time that they don't have time to workout. They don't have the energy or the drive. What the heck is that crap? If you have time to play video games for 3 hours a day, that is 3 hours a day that you can put in the gym. If you can dance at the bar for 4 hours on Friday and Saturday night, those are 2 nights a week that you can put in a good workout. If you sit and read for an hour a night, that is 1 hour a night that you can be reading on the treadmill. Enough with the excuses. If you want it, find a way to make it work. Don't be afraid to ease into it. I did. My journey started with Karate. I didn't just wake up one day with an extra 3 hours on my hands. I just understood that if I had the time and energy to put into something I wanted, then I had the time and energy to put into something I needed.
When I decided that I needed a change, that I needed to get physical, (*singing... "Get physical, physical..."), I knew I had to do what I enjoyed doing. I hated the treadmill and I still do. So to assume that I was going to get on a treadmill one day and stick to it was unrealistic. Karate was one thing that I enjoyed as a child. I reconnected with my former organization and I found my starting line. Initially, those 4 hours a week in class were the most active 4 hours that I had in a week. As I found my footing and started picking up new things, I made new friends, started teaching and started climbing rank. I physically worked myself up to training 4-5 days a week. That dedication laid the groundwork for my gym time these days. I knew then that I could indeed find the extra time in my day if it was something that I wanted badly enough. In the beginning of this year, my focus shifted into my gym training. Karate classes were ending for the spring and I needed to keep active. Then... Summer Break! During my summer break from Karate, my life had flipped upside down. As much as I love karate, those few hours a week that I have to spend on anything other then work and sleep had to be used as efficiently as possible. My time is just as valuable as everyone elses. In my karate class, I simply do not get the workout that I need. My body and endurance has adjusted and it is simply not as challenging as it once was. My body and journey can not afford for me to take a break. Once a week is about as much as I can give up from my training routine at the gym and still maintain this progress.
Karate was my stepping stone, my starting line, my gateway. Without it, I would have not known what I was capable of. By doing something I enjoyed doing, I was able to lay the groundwork for the next leg of my journey. The reason I bring this up is because I hear people tell me all of the time that they don't have time to workout. They don't have the energy or the drive. What the heck is that crap? If you have time to play video games for 3 hours a day, that is 3 hours a day that you can put in the gym. If you can dance at the bar for 4 hours on Friday and Saturday night, those are 2 nights a week that you can put in a good workout. If you sit and read for an hour a night, that is 1 hour a night that you can be reading on the treadmill. Enough with the excuses. If you want it, find a way to make it work. Don't be afraid to ease into it. I did. My journey started with Karate. I didn't just wake up one day with an extra 3 hours on my hands. I just understood that if I had the time and energy to put into something I wanted, then I had the time and energy to put into something I needed.
Sunday, November 4, 2012
Rest Day
Rest Day, my ass.
A year ago, every day was rest day. Six months ago, I tried my hand at CrossFit with Kelly, I looked at it as a workout to strive for. One that I could only do sparingly it I was feeling extra peppy or out of my routine. There was no consistently. Six weeks ago, I started implementing CrossFit into my weekly routine. Not having a training partner this week, it almost was a good excuse to dive head first. Every morning, I go online to check the workout. I never know what I am going to be doing but its both exhilarating and scary. Who knew that CrossFit would open up such an amazing world. Grant it, I do the Ghetto version modified with my gym equipment, but it's still nothing to sneeze at.
In the past few weeks, I have managed to do workouts where I would do 350 rows at 45lbs. All in one day. Working out with Xavy, I did at most 90 reps. I have learned how to do a handstand, I've run .25miles several times over. I've gotten over the fear of Burpees, (as long as Donny isn't around). I am doing new things every single day. Yesterday, I jump ropped. They were supposed to have been "double unders", but I am getting there.
In addition to the workouts, I am getting to know some really neat people. This little CrossFit family that Anytime Fitness has is quite interesting. I've never met a more helpful group of people in my life. Although I still fear Donny, I am no longer trying to impress him. Not in a romantic way, but he was/is the only one in the gym that has never acknowledged my efforts. I feel like a child wanting her parents to catch her doing a good job. Haha. Hmmm, I think I've just guaranteed my therapists next vacation fund. Yesterday, I spent nearly an hour talking to this new guy at the gym on ways we modify the W.O.D.'s so we can do them here. No doubt that I made a new friend. Chris, aww... my buddy! We happened to show up the other day at the very same time to do the workout. We didn't plan it, we has never trained together before. It was just one of those... "right place at the right time", kinda things. He knows what he is doing. This dude does CrossFit twice a day some times. Without question or hesitation, he set my bar up for me and tossed me that stretching stick thingy. Did he have to? No. Did I expect it? No. We started at the same time and I tried to keep up with him where I could. It kept me motivated and paced. I could see that he was finished a few minutes before me. Did he walk out? Nope. He put away my bar and awaited my glorious finish. (Gee, I hope he didn't tell Brent just how nasty I was looking and smelling.). Being that it was a working including burpees, I was elated to see Donny pull up just as I was finished. The men talked amongst themselves about the prior days workout and started demonstrating their modifications. One of which was a back tuck. (Standing back flip.). Needless to say, I made no attempt that one on that workout day. With a little prodding from Chris, I was up on Donny's makeshift rings flipping backwards. Sometimes, all you need is a push from someone. What a group of people. Had you told me a year ago that I would be doing a backflip training with Chris or Donny, I would have laughed.
No, don't get me wrong, 6 months of weight training has done wonders for me. At this point, we all know I am strong. We all know I can lift and push with the best of them. Lifting is no longer a challenge. Recently as my body changes, those workouts are ever present and I am getting to a point where I can effectively start sculpting instead of closing my eyes, lifting something heavy and wishing for the best. Brent and Chris have sorta taken on the project of helping me with this leg of the process.
So, today... I wake-up to check the workout only to discover that it's a rest day. Booo! I think I am going to run through the archives and find myself a fun W.O.D. to do this afternoon. CrossFit isn't just my workout, its my playtime.
Friday, November 2, 2012
Booty call
I have another blog about Debi and I discussing our booty. I'll have to get back to you on that, I've gotta hit the gym. :)
My focus needs more focus.
First of all, let me preface this by saying that I am not struggling with shedding fat. I've got that part in the bag. No matter what I do, or don't do, I've created a machine that can endure the bumps in the road. It's the staying enough on plan to maintain this efficiency that I am working on.
This evening, I spent an hour on the phone with Lynn. The woman knows me well. When the blog entries slow, something is up. How lucky am I? We all should be able to call eachother out. For the most part we do. I think that's what makes us all successful. This is a hard journey to walk alone. We are a team, we are eachothers motivators and we are friends.
Missing goal this week really hurt. I tried to play it off but I simply can't. I have to own it before it owns me. Eww... I so just said that. What a cliche.
I am back to 162. So I am even. Screw 160. I am putting the scale away and giving myself a few weeks. (Lynn's orders.) When I look at the scale next, I will be down. 1 or 12, it will be down.
I've gotta formulate a plan. My meal plan works. I am sticking to it. My workout plan has been inconsistent but it's been working. I think the one thing we all agree on is bringing back *gulp* cardio. There I said it. Cardio. With enough cardio, I can offset most, if not all of those tiny slip ups. The meal plan is something that I have to think about every single day. Lucky for me, the gym part is second nature. I love it and look forward to it every day. If I can just get some cardio in, I would be golden. Its like drinking coffee. I love coffee. I could still have it, but I had to cut out the sugar and cream. It would take some getting used to and I would miss it, but one day I will wake up and like back coffee. It look some time but that happened. I get up every morning and pour myself a cup of black coffee. Its second nature. This cardio will suck but it will give me just enough edge on my metabolism to see more dramatic results. When I see results, I stay more focused.
My focus needs more focus. ~karate kid. Lol
Lynn, thank you.
Monday, October 29, 2012
Goal... not so much
A few days have passed and I think you safely assumed that me not boasting about meeting my goal only met one thing... I didn't.
The big day was supposed to have been Saturday. This goal was set back in April so it had been a long time coming. I have made great progress since April when I originally set my goal. (If it sounds coached, its because it is. I am forcing myself to believe this as I type it.) I have lost a bit over 20lbs and probably have put on about 10-15lbs of muscle. I went from a size 18 to as size 10. I went from struggling to get into a routine to not knowing what to do myself when I couldn't get to the gym. Since then, a lot has happened. It's called life. I guess that I had better get used to it. I can't make too many excuses.
Since I can't make too many excuses, that implies that I can make a few. Right? Okay, here it goes. Tuesday, I was on track at 162ish. I risked going to the Melting Pot for dinner. Best idea, not so much. I had a fantastic time and I enjoyed every bit of it. I didn't pull any punches at dinner. I allowed myself to enjoy it without feeling guilty. That long evening also meant that I skipped a workout at the gym. Double whammy. Wednesday, I was only up a pound so I think I got a little bit cocky thinking that I had this one in the bag. Thursday, I weighed in at 162. At night, before I went to bed I gave it another shot. I weighed in at 163. Considering that we usually gain a few during the course of the day, I thought that it was smooth sailing ahead. I skipped weighing in on Friday morning because I was pretty confident that I was on track. I had been eating well, (recently). I had put in a few extra workouts and nearly killed myself doing the CrossFit W.O.D.. Friday night, just double checking... I weighed myself in at 166. WHAT THE HELL!?!?! Where did all of that come from? I was not particularly feeling "skinny" but hey... who knows. Most of all of that is mental anyway. I was annoyed, I was upset and frustrated. So what did I do? I went out drinking. I met up with Brent and Chris to have a few drinks. In an attempt to not fall too far off the wagon, I watched what I drank and justified eating WaWa meatballs in a cup at 2 a.m.. I was due for a meal, I wanted to go high protein and low-carb. Good effort considering how impaired my judgment was at that point in the evening. I stayed at a friends house, (judgement was not impaired enough to drink and drive.) In the morning, before I headed back home, I had a huge cup of coffee. I told myself that since I generally weigh in naked and empty, this was an excuse that I should skip weigh in. Ha! I thought that I was being rudly reminded of the activities of the night before when I felt my tummy grumble but it turns out it was not. Another month, my "cycle" decides to do what ever the hell it wants. My doctor thinks it is due to the weight loss and my workout routine but either way, it still throws a wrench in my day. I think that it makes a bit more sense why I was not feeling particularly skinny the day before, why I had the munchies all week and why I was so emotional about not coming close enough to this goal. Damn you P.M.S.! Had I knew all of that was ahead of me, I am sure my choices all the way around would have been different. Unfortunately, that damage was done. I didn't officially weigh in at all.
My inner self and I sat down and had a heart to heart. It was probably more of a lecture but either way, it resulted in a plan B. A segway. Thanks to Hurricane Sandy, I am starting to contemplate a plan C. Yesterday, I didn't make the best food choices. I guess it was a rationalization along the lines of, "I am already on a roll screwing up, I might as well get it out of my system.". Today, stuck indoors, I have kind of pulled my inner goddess in by her hair and told her to get her shit together. So far, I had an okay breakfast, a greek yogurt for meal 2 and a turkey sandwich for meal 3. The one thing I can easily control is having my meals on time. That is a step in the right direction. I suggested frozen Chinese food for dinner and Brent politely said, "Yea, that's fine for me. I am sure we can find something healthier for you.".. Good job. He is threatening me as we speak to cut me off. Lock me in my condo and only see me in the gym to workout. Punk. But... it's is appreciated more then he can imagine.
The big day was supposed to have been Saturday. This goal was set back in April so it had been a long time coming. I have made great progress since April when I originally set my goal. (If it sounds coached, its because it is. I am forcing myself to believe this as I type it.) I have lost a bit over 20lbs and probably have put on about 10-15lbs of muscle. I went from a size 18 to as size 10. I went from struggling to get into a routine to not knowing what to do myself when I couldn't get to the gym. Since then, a lot has happened. It's called life. I guess that I had better get used to it. I can't make too many excuses.
Since I can't make too many excuses, that implies that I can make a few. Right? Okay, here it goes. Tuesday, I was on track at 162ish. I risked going to the Melting Pot for dinner. Best idea, not so much. I had a fantastic time and I enjoyed every bit of it. I didn't pull any punches at dinner. I allowed myself to enjoy it without feeling guilty. That long evening also meant that I skipped a workout at the gym. Double whammy. Wednesday, I was only up a pound so I think I got a little bit cocky thinking that I had this one in the bag. Thursday, I weighed in at 162. At night, before I went to bed I gave it another shot. I weighed in at 163. Considering that we usually gain a few during the course of the day, I thought that it was smooth sailing ahead. I skipped weighing in on Friday morning because I was pretty confident that I was on track. I had been eating well, (recently). I had put in a few extra workouts and nearly killed myself doing the CrossFit W.O.D.. Friday night, just double checking... I weighed myself in at 166. WHAT THE HELL!?!?! Where did all of that come from? I was not particularly feeling "skinny" but hey... who knows. Most of all of that is mental anyway. I was annoyed, I was upset and frustrated. So what did I do? I went out drinking. I met up with Brent and Chris to have a few drinks. In an attempt to not fall too far off the wagon, I watched what I drank and justified eating WaWa meatballs in a cup at 2 a.m.. I was due for a meal, I wanted to go high protein and low-carb. Good effort considering how impaired my judgment was at that point in the evening. I stayed at a friends house, (judgement was not impaired enough to drink and drive.) In the morning, before I headed back home, I had a huge cup of coffee. I told myself that since I generally weigh in naked and empty, this was an excuse that I should skip weigh in. Ha! I thought that I was being rudly reminded of the activities of the night before when I felt my tummy grumble but it turns out it was not. Another month, my "cycle" decides to do what ever the hell it wants. My doctor thinks it is due to the weight loss and my workout routine but either way, it still throws a wrench in my day. I think that it makes a bit more sense why I was not feeling particularly skinny the day before, why I had the munchies all week and why I was so emotional about not coming close enough to this goal. Damn you P.M.S.! Had I knew all of that was ahead of me, I am sure my choices all the way around would have been different. Unfortunately, that damage was done. I didn't officially weigh in at all.
My inner self and I sat down and had a heart to heart. It was probably more of a lecture but either way, it resulted in a plan B. A segway. Thanks to Hurricane Sandy, I am starting to contemplate a plan C. Yesterday, I didn't make the best food choices. I guess it was a rationalization along the lines of, "I am already on a roll screwing up, I might as well get it out of my system.". Today, stuck indoors, I have kind of pulled my inner goddess in by her hair and told her to get her shit together. So far, I had an okay breakfast, a greek yogurt for meal 2 and a turkey sandwich for meal 3. The one thing I can easily control is having my meals on time. That is a step in the right direction. I suggested frozen Chinese food for dinner and Brent politely said, "Yea, that's fine for me. I am sure we can find something healthier for you.".. Good job. He is threatening me as we speak to cut me off. Lock me in my condo and only see me in the gym to workout. Punk. But... it's is appreciated more then he can imagine.
Friday, October 26, 2012
Thursday, October 25, 2012
2.5lbs
This morning, I weighed in at 162.5lbs. Saturday is my weigh-in for goal, and I think that I can pull it off. After everything that has stood in my way, I am only 2.5lbs away. Sitting at my desk, I realized that I had forgotten to acknowledge my current weight of 162.5lbs.. I had such tunnel vision on 160lbs. that I forgot to stop and acknowledge that each pound counts. Why is it that I am so hard on myself?
Crunch time!!!!
Crunch time!!!!
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
Homework
Doing my homework for the week, I just ended a call with a medical weight loss center. Per my therapist, I was to call and get more information and possibly set up a consultation to consider my options for the remaining skin. I am not quite sold on the surgical options, but I was hoping that someone some where would have some tips. A game plan. I am not sure if she wants me to go in and hear someone say that I am not as bad as I think, or if she thinks that getting rid of the excess fat will help me emotionally. Either way, I did it. I made the call and I have learned a few things.
-My BMI is currently too low for them to safely "treat" me with their weight loss program. (hmm, I am not sure what I think about that.)
-Speaking to the doctor, I could get some injections of sorts to aid and speed up my weight loss. (I am not sure if the speed thing is what is bothering me. The progress is slow but I have come to terms with that.)
-I could do a body composition scan to see how much weight and muscle I have. Basically, how much junk I have left in my trunk. (That just sounds depressing.)
-My last question was asking who they refered their clients too when they had signifigant success with their program. The answer was both disturbing and enlightening. Her answer was that she did not really know. She could look into it for me but she has not had any clients with signifigant success or as much weight loss as mine.
Moral of the story, according to me....
Weight loss centers, pills, injections... none of that is effective as good old fashion exercise and clean eating. There is no magic solution after all. Even the ones that I turned to for help didn't really have a foot to stand on selling their solution. I guess that it is just a waiting game. Keep doing what I am doing because this is what works.
Interesting.
-My BMI is currently too low for them to safely "treat" me with their weight loss program. (hmm, I am not sure what I think about that.)
-Speaking to the doctor, I could get some injections of sorts to aid and speed up my weight loss. (I am not sure if the speed thing is what is bothering me. The progress is slow but I have come to terms with that.)
-I could do a body composition scan to see how much weight and muscle I have. Basically, how much junk I have left in my trunk. (That just sounds depressing.)
-My last question was asking who they refered their clients too when they had signifigant success with their program. The answer was both disturbing and enlightening. Her answer was that she did not really know. She could look into it for me but she has not had any clients with signifigant success or as much weight loss as mine.
Moral of the story, according to me....
Weight loss centers, pills, injections... none of that is effective as good old fashion exercise and clean eating. There is no magic solution after all. Even the ones that I turned to for help didn't really have a foot to stand on selling their solution. I guess that it is just a waiting game. Keep doing what I am doing because this is what works.
Interesting.
Monday, October 22, 2012
The older the wiser.
Something really cool happened this weekend. I was at a football party at Brent's house. Between games, I was snacking in the kitchen with the women. Having met Brent's great-grandmom a few times, I have learned that she says it like it is. She doesn't seem to pull any punches. Lucky for her she is so adorable, she can totally get away with it. While I was snacking, his mom pulled an apple dessert out and offered it around. Brent had some but I knew that I didn't have the self control to just have a tiny bit. Brent and I joked about it as he piled a heaping spoon of it onto his plate. His great-grandmom had overheard the conversation and overheard another being teased about eating the whole tray of celery. She looked at me, looked up and down and asked why I was watching what I was eating. She said that I didn't have a weight problem. I looked just fine the way I was.
Long story short, a compliment came from someone that was not going to sugar coat anything. Not having known my journey and meeting me at my current size, she didn't think I had a weight problem. That's all the proof that I need that I have achieved a "normal" size. Not only normal but acceptable. For the first time in a crowd, I was able to relax in the company of strangers and know that I am not being looked at as "the fat girl" after all. Very cool feeling.
Long story short, a compliment came from someone that was not going to sugar coat anything. Not having known my journey and meeting me at my current size, she didn't think I had a weight problem. That's all the proof that I need that I have achieved a "normal" size. Not only normal but acceptable. For the first time in a crowd, I was able to relax in the company of strangers and know that I am not being looked at as "the fat girl" after all. Very cool feeling.
Dude...
After all that I have learned and been exposed to in the gym, I've officially become a physique snob. What have you all done to me? At the Fight, some dude was walking past me with a huge chest. An awkwardness about him caught my attention. As he past me and I got a 360° view. Without hesitation, it just came out of my mouth.... "Dude, you gotta work chest AND BACK.". Lol. Thank goodness it was loud in there. I've gotta work on my filter.
Sunday, October 21, 2012
USMC Challenge
So one of my goals were to do the U.S.M.C. Challenge at the Shogun fight. Every year, I walk past the booth and oogle the guys banging out push-ups.This year, I wanted to do it. Not try it, do it. To my surprise, when I got there, they were doing pull-ups instead. Crap! My inner self was doing cartwheels since I had a bit too much to drink the night before. Pushing up may not have been the only "...-ups" going on. So, I stopped and watched. Jen gave me this look like.... "Don't pretend you are not thinking of trying it any way.". She was right. I was assessing the situation. "Improvise, adapt and overcome.", that's what my brother would have said to me. Why the hell not? A challenge is a challenge. I came to make a goal, I was leaving having it under my belt. One of the Marines came over teasing us about doing it, no expecting us to be seriously considering it. For women, they were doing Flexed Arm Hangs. Chin above the bar, no joke! 5-seconds got you a prize. I didn't want a damn sticker. The challenge was 5 seconds to 60 seconds. I hopped up on the rack and gave it my best. At first, the same Marine held onto me, (I didn't mind), like he didn't expect me to do 3 seconds. Well.... 10, 20, 30, 40. Not bad at all for a first time out. We had earned some respect and made some new friends. Down the hall, other Marines had a punching bag. They they were flirting with Jen to get us to try. My response was that I had just done the other challenge. Brushing it off, but only asking for conversation sake, he asked how I did. When I said 40 seconds, he did a double take and immediately looked at my shoulders and acknowledged them.
Another goal met! It feels fantastic.
Friday, October 19, 2012
Pimpin' aint easy...
My posts of me half-naked seem to be headed to Facebook a bit to freely. For the protection of my mother... or the protection of me if my mother finds out....
Perhaps I should leave these photos on the blog! I can't help it. I found new muscles.
Perhaps I should leave these photos on the blog! I can't help it. I found new muscles.
Thursday, October 18, 2012
Wednesday, October 17, 2012
Mixed bag
Today has been a mixed bag to say the least.
Starting my day in a therapy session seems to set the mood for the day. For some reason, I leave her office with a chip on my shoulder and annoyed at everyone in my way. My way or the highway. Gee.. I am sure that is healthy. I do however usually use that energy for good instead of evil. Some days. I make the confrontations that I have needed to, I close the doors that need closing, chip away at all of the incidentals that are involved closing deals of sorts. Initiate stagnant projects and plans. I suppose it is good but I wish I could buckle down every day and get that crap taken care of. Well, that's neither here nor there. It is what it is.
After yesterdays photo find, Brent's reprimanding and my quickly approaching goal... I am a beast back on plan. Back with a vengeance! This morning I weighed in at 166. That's crappy seeing as I have been at 164 already once in the last few weeks. Hey, it's also not 171 which it has also been recently. Jen and I had that conversation today. It is so freaking hard to try and balance it all. So guess what? I am not going to balance it. I am going to stay on track and suck it up for a bit. Buffalo wings and pizza will be there when I hit goal.
Another big "issue" of the day has been my muscle mass versus my skin and remaining fat. This is an issue that I have to deal with both physically and emotionally before I drive myself nuts. I am now floating between a size small and a size medium top and a size 10 pants. I am too small to continue dropping insane amounts of weight. I am too flabby to be "done" losing weight. I am too muscular to put on more muscle, I can't lose weight without the weight training and I can't keep the skin tone without the muscle. Uhhh... what to do, what to do? Unfortunately, I have outgrown Xavy's help. That leaves me in uncharted territory. I spent hours last night trying to help me come to a solution. It seems like it is going to be a bit of trial and error for a while and I am coming to terms with that. Brent is working on a plan for me and I am even considering enlisting the help of some medical professionals to see what my options are. I think that consulting a surgical weight loss center may be the best place to start. They deal with this issue every day. Surly they have some sort of magic laser or something.
Starting my day in a therapy session seems to set the mood for the day. For some reason, I leave her office with a chip on my shoulder and annoyed at everyone in my way. My way or the highway. Gee.. I am sure that is healthy. I do however usually use that energy for good instead of evil. Some days. I make the confrontations that I have needed to, I close the doors that need closing, chip away at all of the incidentals that are involved closing deals of sorts. Initiate stagnant projects and plans. I suppose it is good but I wish I could buckle down every day and get that crap taken care of. Well, that's neither here nor there. It is what it is.
After yesterdays photo find, Brent's reprimanding and my quickly approaching goal... I am a beast back on plan. Back with a vengeance! This morning I weighed in at 166. That's crappy seeing as I have been at 164 already once in the last few weeks. Hey, it's also not 171 which it has also been recently. Jen and I had that conversation today. It is so freaking hard to try and balance it all. So guess what? I am not going to balance it. I am going to stay on track and suck it up for a bit. Buffalo wings and pizza will be there when I hit goal.
Another big "issue" of the day has been my muscle mass versus my skin and remaining fat. This is an issue that I have to deal with both physically and emotionally before I drive myself nuts. I am now floating between a size small and a size medium top and a size 10 pants. I am too small to continue dropping insane amounts of weight. I am too flabby to be "done" losing weight. I am too muscular to put on more muscle, I can't lose weight without the weight training and I can't keep the skin tone without the muscle. Uhhh... what to do, what to do? Unfortunately, I have outgrown Xavy's help. That leaves me in uncharted territory. I spent hours last night trying to help me come to a solution. It seems like it is going to be a bit of trial and error for a while and I am coming to terms with that. Brent is working on a plan for me and I am even considering enlisting the help of some medical professionals to see what my options are. I think that consulting a surgical weight loss center may be the best place to start. They deal with this issue every day. Surly they have some sort of magic laser or something.
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